It’s normal to feel anxious every now and again. But living with anxiety because you deal with an impaired emotional disability makes it harder. Autism is a disability in itself.
Bad thoughts, not being able to switch thoughts or let go of bad thoughts, are all part of the same scenario, combine that with cerebral palsy where the cerebral cortex (the part of the brain that deals with emotions) is extensively damaged and it’s near to impossible to control.
Anxiety is part of autism that I didn’t know I had. It’s not surprising I continually feel battered and bruised. My writing helps, but the more I shed light on my different experiences, the more it temporarily highlights an internal wound. Anxiety is difficult enough, a brain haemorrhage that impairs your emotions even more so.
When there are stressful issues I have to deal with, bad thoughts continue to whir around in my head. Usual thoughts are fine, but where some of those thoughts aren’t particularly kind, or there is a worry, it becomes more difficult.
I didn’t know I had an anxiety, let alone a disorder that is part of a group of mental disorders that can leave you distressed, panicked and unable to carry on with normal everyday life, if they are not swiftly dealt with.
Where I struggle with reactions and to change, around issues that aren’t easily contained, those blow up into something bigger. My anxiety disorder can be overwhelming and disabling.
Through Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it is easy for me to deal with unrealistic worry and tension. If I struggle to understand with or without an explanation, I concern and worry, and both create the fear I feel.
Anxiety isn’t always easy for me to manage, made more difficult because I manage and live with autism. Although it’s something I continue to deal with, I need to continue to find ways to manage and co-exist around both disabilities.