Look for the understanding

I wasn’t an easy child, suffice to say I was difficult, but perhaps others needed to look at why I struggled, we’re not born with difficult character traits.

To be difficult for difficult sake isn’t right, but being difficult because you’re trying to get to grips with something you deal with, with no emotional or mental support, is a whole different ball game. People shouldn’t just assume people are difficult, for difficult sake, then write them off.

We all have difficulties that we deal with, but when others get to look at the bigger picture, they get to see the issues that have manifested themselves in years of behaviour traits. There are reasons behind people’s difficult character traits. We’re not born difficult. It’s important for others to understand.

On the part of the person who is being difficult, perhaps they should also take a closer look at themselves and see how they can work to change some of those difficult traits. It would be easier to do that, rather than others write them off.

It is easy for people to turn a blind eye and accept that someone is difficult, but perhaps instead of condemnation, what those people need is help.

26 Mar, 2017

4 thoughts on “Look for the understanding

  1. I agree there is usually a good reason why someone behaves in this way, but we shouldn’t have to put up with that behaviour and why should we?

    I guess it depends on the behaviours concerned, how harmful that is and how willing that person is to address their behaviour and try to change those patterns.

    Sometimes we have no choice other than to walk way.

    1. Thank you. Yes, it’s important to always try to see what others deal with through our understanding of their situation. To ignore things isn’t right. I believe doing that will always bring about change in the longer term.

      If steps have been taken to try to help and still nothing has been resolved, then no one should have to put up with bad behaviour and I agree with your suggestion, that it would be time to walk away.

      The flip side to this is; it works both ways. If the person needing the help, isn’t getting the help, then it would be up to them to choose to walk away.

  2. There are usually reasons why a person is behaving badly that most people can’t see. I have always had the ability to read people in ways that I understand, why it is that they do what they do. People aren’t as complicated as they seem to think.

    You were ‘difficult’ because you had issues that weren’t being addressed. I’m sure I was considered to be a spoiled rotten brat, but that was because I had a mother who manipulated me to be her little puppet. My siblings despised me at times, because I was treated better than them, but they had no idea of the price that I paid. You could say that I practically sold my soul to the devil, in exchange for the extra scraps that I got.

    Basically the trick is to look behind the curtain to understand what is really going on with a person. It usually doesn’t take very long to figure things out. For the past 11 years I have been dealing with a very difficult person, who is definitely Bipolar after only recently being diagnosed.

    She demands attention and respect often, to the point of being worshipped which just isn’t right. I can’t help that she was ignored and belittled as a child, which has carried over into her adult life, even at her age when she should know better.

    People don’t respond well to being treated like commoners, who are supposed to worship the ground you walk on for no valid reason, other than it’s expected. My biggest issue is to why I have tolerated it for so long, when nobody in their right mind would.

    The reality is that I can’t provide what she needs or wants, because I don’t think even she knows what they are. She wonders why I’m so often confused and it’s because she tends to be so erratic that I can’t keep up. It’s like going from hot to cold, black to white and/or positive to negative in just a millisecond and my mind definitely doesn’t work that way.

    There are times where she’s at the point of being delusional, because she thinks she told me something when she actually didn’t and then gets angry at me about it. I may have memory issues but I know I’m not retarded, which is what I feel like she treats me as. She thinks me going on ADHD meds will magically cure me, but I highly doubt it.

    ADHD is what I was recently diagnosed with, after going for neuropsychological testing for the memory issues. Considering what I have been through as a child and the drugs and alcohol, it’s not surprising.

    I have also wondered if I suffer from a TBI, due to many incidents that would have caused it. This would require a lot more testing and in the end, actually be a vain attempt to prove to my girlfriend that there is an actual reason for my behaviour other than just trying to irritate her.

    How do you honestly deal with someone who seems to think they’re perfect and actually believe that you only think of yourself all the time? This may be a case where there isn’t a whole lot to understand, other than she has issues that I can no longer deal with and that she refuses to address.

    1. Thanks Randy. I agree with you, there has to be understanding. Many will understand but won’t care.

      Although you yourself need help to deal with what you deal with and you’re honest and open about that, I feel the person you’re talking about who has just been diagnosed with Bipolar needs help.

      It is pretty difficult to give someone with Bipolar the help they need because they don’t have the capacity to see their world in the same way others do and whilst meds do help, they tend to fleet between manic, highs and lows.

      It is important where we can learn to understand, in our fleeting moments of consciousness that we endeavour to do that. To give our relationships a chance to survive. You can only do what you can do Randy. Don’t feel bad about that.

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