Losing a loved one

I’m taking a few moments to reflect on my day and although I’m upset about the outcome, I am doing okay.

As a child, I lived in fear of the reality (as children we tend to do that) that one day my parents would no longer be around me anymore; but back then I didn’t have the knowledge and the beliefs that I do today.

My mother passed away what will be 5 years on the 25th May this year. I have always believed that she will go to spirit, but will still be around me, as I live my life and make my choices and believe that my father is now getting ready to do the same. The last five years have been the most difficult years. I have blogged on here about the problems I’ve faced.

My father’s health has finally taken its toll and will soon start his own spiritual journey. He’s very calm and peaceful right now. I cannot believe that we are at this place where decisions need to be made so that arrangements can be made for him to live out his last weeks’ peacefully. It doesn’t seem real.

I am not afraid to lose him, I know he will be around me as I go about my life; what is quite scary for me is watching him fade away. I have always struggled. I have never been good around illness. I’ve always shied away from it since I was a little girl.

I know that because I have Cerebral Palsy I have certain Sensory Integration Disorder problems. I have always had problems with interpreting things, pertaining to what I see, touch and hear.

Seeing my father ill, will reinforce all my sensory issues.  I’ll just have to muddle though, the best I can.


17 Feb, 2012

4 thoughts on “Losing a loved one

  1. I can totally relate to you and know what you’re going through. I had it with my father 7 years ago this month on the 16th and now my mom is ill with cancer that has taken hold of her body.

    She is fighting strong where my dad gave up. As a child I had the same fears as you. I had dreams of my father dying and would wake him in the night to make sure he was still there.

    1. I think we all have childhood fears around our parents not being there for us as we get older, because we take it for granted that they will.

      It’s come way too soon for me to lose my father as well as my mother. I hope your mother’s not in too much pain and that you are okay with what you’re having to deal with.

  2. So sorry to hear that your father has gotten so ill so quickly! I thought he was just going in for tests, but I didn’t realize that he only had a short time left. Hopefully it will be a peaceful thing!

    1. My father did start by going in for tests, but we found out during his tests, that he was worse than we had originally thought.

      Thank you for your kind words Randy. They help.

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