Losing a loved one

As a child, we live in fear of the reality that one day our parents will no longer be around us anymore. Then we don’t have the knowledge and the beliefs that we do today. Whenever it happens, it can be scary, particularly how they might go. I’m taking a few moments today to reflect and although I’m not happy, I am doing okay.

My mother passed away what will be 5 years on the 25th May this year. I have always believed that she will go to spirit, but will still be around me as I live my life and make my choices and believe that my father is now getting ready to do the same. The last five years have been the most difficult years.

My father’s health has finally taken its toll and he will soon start his own spiritual journey. I cannot believe that we’re at this place where decisions need to be made for him to live out his last weeks’ peacefully. It doesn’t seem real.

I am not afraid to lose him. I know he will be around me as I go about my life; what is quite scary is watching him fade away. I have never been good around illness. I’ve always shied away from it since I was a little girl.

I know that because I have Cerebral Palsy I have Sensory Processing Disorder issues. Seeing my father ill, will reinforce all my sensory issues. I’ll just have to muddle though, the best I can.


17 Feb, 2012

4 thoughts on “Losing a loved one

  1. I can totally relate to you and know what you’re going through. I had it with my father 7 years ago this month on the 16th and now my mom is ill with cancer that has taken hold of her body.

    She is fighting strong where my dad gave up. As a child I had the same fears as you. I had dreams of my father dying and would wake him in the night to make sure he was still there.

    1. I think we all have childhood fears around our parents not being there for us as we get older, because we take it for granted that they will.

      It’s come way too soon for me to lose my father as well as my mother. I hope your mother’s not in too much pain and that you are okay with what you’re having to deal with.

  2. So sorry to hear that your father has gotten so ill so quickly! I thought he was just going in for tests, but I didn’t realize that he only had a short time left. Hopefully it will be a peaceful thing!

    1. My father did start by going in for tests, but we found out during his tests, that he was worse than we had originally thought.

      Thank you for your kind words Randy. They help.

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