The death of a loved one can often leave us in a bad place, not because of their death but because of the problems they leave behind on their passing, which in one way or another have affected us.
The role of the parent in my mind is clear. Many people though may be left with countless unresolved issues, which can leave them angry but never confused in my opinion. Having lost both parents, my thoughts and feelings have been different on both.
Although I was sad to lose my mother, my feelings about losing my father seemed different. Even though I had very little support from my mother, deep down she was always very well intentioned. There was never any animosity between us and even with the little support I had, I understood why. I never felt I needed to grieve in the true sense. I was comfortable with things.
Unfortunately, because of parents insecurities, we may sometimes end up with a different life. They may not give us the opportunity to emotionally grow and as a result we may not get to experience what we want to in our lives. In those cases, we won’t necessarily grieve for them, but may be left with angry feelings instead. This is one of the reasons why I feel parents should put things right with their children, this side of life.
We cannot change what didn’t happen or should have happened. We cannot also change where we were with that person when he or she passed, but we can change where we go from here. I feel it’s pointless holding on to animosity, because we didn’t get to live the life we wanted; that only hurts us more. It also stops us from moving on with our lives and bonding with our children.
For anyone going through the process, it can take a number of years to adjust. I believe death is part of the living process but for many to understand the process, seems completely out of their depth. Death isn’t especially well documented or commonly spoken about, but it’s not final. It’s part of a process where our loved ones will continue to their lives in spirit, in another form. They are always around.
For some people of course, letting go is the biggest challenge and it’s that which is part of the grieving process.