As I start today’s blog, my thoughts don’t seem to be heading in any direction. Maybe when I start to type something, my thoughts will.
When something troubles me, it’s usually there in my mind. I always try and see the positive even when I’m dealing with such negative issues. It helps me to look beyond what I see. I think that part comes from me having so much to work through as a child.
I was under the care of the hospital for at least 15 years of my life; then finally discharged when I was twenty-five. I also spent a lot of time in physiotherapy. I think when we have so many things that we have to deal with, we become resigned, so just get on with it.
Does it make it any easier? I think’ Yes’ and ‘No.’ Yes, because we know it’s what we have to deal with and no because there’s a side to us that doesn’t want to and because we feel we’re missing out. There was for me anyway. I always felt different for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to be able to be like my siblings, without having to fit my life around physiotherapy, hospital appointments and exercises. Those took their toll on me.
I am sure it was also hard for my siblings, because a lot of my parent’s attention was taken away from them too. I can see now that my family subconsciously homed in on all my problems, but consciously chose to ignore them; although my anger being what it was, made it difficult for them to ignore my problems completely. I should have had therapy to help me cope. If I had I wouldn’t have had to do as much work on myself, as an adult.
I believe I was the catalyst of all they felt back then. I am sure they would still have other things to deal with, but my problems wouldn’t have been the focus and the attention for everyone.