As I start today’s blog, my thoughts don’t seem to be heading in any direction. Maybe when I start to type something, things will become clear.
When something troubles me, it’s usually there in my mind. I always try and see the positive even when I’m dealing with such negative issues. It helps me to look beyond what I see. I think that part comes from me having had so much to work through as a child. There was always something.
I was under the care of the hospital for at least 15 years of my life, then finally discharged me when I was twenty-five. I also spent many years in weekly physiotherapy sessions. I became resigned after a while and just got on with it.
Does it make it any easier? I think’ yes’ and ‘no.’Yes, because we know it’s what we have to deal with and no because there’s a side to us that doesn’t want to and because we want to be the same. I always felt different for all the wrong reasons.
I wanted to be able to be like my siblings, without having to fit my life around physiotherapy, hospital appointments and exercises. Those took their toll on me. I am sure it was also hard for my siblings, because a lot of my parent’s attention was taken away from them too.
I can see now that my family honed in on all my problems and chose to ignore them, although my anger being what it was, made it difficult for them to ignore my problems completely. I should have gone into counselling to help me cope. It’s not right that I was left to cope alone.
I believe I was the catalyst of all they felt back then. I am sure they would still have other things to deal with, but my problems wouldn’t have been the focus and the attention for everyone.