Although I have come to terms with most of my life there is one area of my life that I’m not quite settled with.
At the age of 25 and I can remember it as if it were yesterday, I was just about to get married and my father had arranged for me to meet up with a Consultant, so that I could be signed off to become someone else’s problem. I hadn’t stepped foot in a Consulting room since the age of 15, so there was no need to go back.
It’s true that we can know someone, but unless we get into their minds and into their skin we can never know someone. I use my writing to understand what I didn’t quite get back then, for me to know my life. I’m more bothered about the fact that he didn’t care to find out about my disability, but simply wanted me signed off so it wasn’t his problem anymore.
I remember Scoliosis being mentioned, but the conversation never included me, it was about me. Although the initial diagnosis at the age of 2 was the wrong diagnosis, Scoliosis was never part of that initial diagnosis. That came at the age of 25.
At the age of 25 who really knows what Scoliosis is, never mind what it means, but the Scoliosis bothers me more than I thought it would. Not knowing I had it I found it easier to dismiss the thought, now of course, it’s a reality not easily dismissed.
The flip side and there is always a flip side, is that I know all of my issues have led me to a much better emotional place, because I have the Diary and my writing to fall back on. If everything had have been in order for me as a child, the Diary would never have existed.
So that must be my reconciliation. If someone genuinely doesn’t know how to address something, they can be forgiven for not dealing with it, but they must be accountable by saying so.
When someone tells you ‘they didn’t want to know’ and you’re supposed to just accept and be okay with it. Now that’s a hard pill to swallow.