More layers to the jigsaw

Revealing yet more layers on my Cerebral Palsy diagnosis brings about new and unwanted thoughts. I wake up with thoughts about the process of how I got to this place and know deep down I’m not done yet. Not only was my ‘foot drop’ not referred to in any of my medical notes, but I have now learned that I have it because of a difference in leg length and a paralysis.

I have always known about the leg length difference. The paralysis I didn’t know about, but it does tie in with having little muscle mass or working muscle on my affected side. I have never been able to point my toes on that side, or equated it to the fact that I have paralysis on my left side.

That would explain me dragging my leg when I walked It would also go on to explain why I couldn’t pick my foot up. I also didn’t know until fairly recently when I discovered further correspondence that the Specialist I was under took advice from another Specialist because he had concerns that I was being overlooked and that is sadly how it’s played out through the years.

The response he got back was that if the parents weren’t interested, there was nothing he could do to intervene. That my parents sadly weren’t interested in dealing with my disability and that ties in with my understanding of what I had been told just before my father passed.


16 Mar, 2018

6 thoughts on “More layers to the jigsaw

  1. It’s hard for me to visualize a child wounded because her parents chose to ignore what was obvious, two heads in denial as if their necks were severed from reality.

    That must have been mighty painful for a child to digest. Keep writing, connect with supportive people and grab all the information you need until you feel liberated.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, there are days when I find it hard to comprehend this was my life. Best not to think about it.

      But I look at what I’m doing now and know that without any of these experiences, I couldn’t write, so I draw comfort from that.

      Generally I’m a positive person, so I’m choosing not to see this negatively. It also wouldn’t do me any good and it would make me ill.

      But I don’t have to agree. I could never agree to a parent ignoring or treating their child in this way, but I do have to come to terms with it.

  2. Sadly, back when we children, there wasn’t much doctors could do about parents who were so obviously neglecting their children.

    Nowadays there are usually ‘mandated reporters,’ meaning that they are obligated to report any cases of abuse and or neglect that they come across, so things are a lot different.

    It’s such a shame when parents knowingly choose to ignore their child’s needs, because they don’t want to deal with the issue.

    Kind of like my doctor asking me if I had a lot of ear infections as a kid, because of scarring on my ear drums and I told her honestly I didn’t know since we didn’t get very good medical care as kids.

    God forbid if we would have had any serious issues like Cerebral Palsy, since we wouldn’t have gotten the treatment we needed either.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, I’m hearing you. It’s always good to talk about these things even if we’re not in a position to change anything with anyone.

      For ourselves and in our minds, yes. Since I started the Diary I have covered many personal topics and although a lot of those topics haven’t been laid to rest in the true sense, just talking about them brings a different attitude in.

      Being able to look at the bigger picture through my writing, we get to see all sides of the issue and that helps us bring about closure.

      And if like me you believe in the universe and that we live our karma, you will know that what your parents lived was their karma and that should help bring closure also.

  3. It is incredulous to read another episode of discovery in your medical records. By writing about it you share your pain with those who matter.

    It may be too late for those who don’t matter, but they know who they are and maybe they wish they had done things differently.

    1. Thank you. It’s important for me to be able to tell my own truth on my experiences. I never thought I’d have a diagnosis in my lifetime, let alone write and be able to talk about my experiences.

      But I’m not sure anyone who makes an initial choice to behave a certain way will agree they should have done something differently. Do people ever backtrack on their behaviour in this way?

      It would be lovely to think they would, but through my own experiences and having this done to me, it’s a ‘no’ sadly.

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