More questions

How would anyone feel being told that the reason you didn’t know anything about what you have dealt with all your life, is because one parent didn’t want to know? I now know that the questions I asked could have helped me deal with knowing earlier on that I had Cerebral Palsy.

This is new to me at nearly 48 years. I also believe that part of my family knew that I had Cerebral Palsy before I did. The seed was sewn. My path and struggles were mapped out, as I began to live my life in the most negative of ways. Throughout my childhood, I fleeted back and forth through bouts of anger and frustration.

I asked questions that were met with no responses and even to this day my father’s thoughts are truthful to him. He genuinely didn’t want do deal with my issues and therefore never spoke about it to me or other members of my family, even though I was under the constant care of specialists and physiotherapists.

To inflict that on any child is baffling. For a parent to decide not to tell their child what she deals with is incredulous. I was cut off from the world, society. That just knowing about my condition could have brought all that should have been afforded to me.

I also not only missed out on that support, but missed out on making proper connections with my family and although I have made myself stronger. I’m not angry, I understand why and it’s not my issue. It’s others’ issue of me.

21 Mar, 2011

10 thoughts on “More questions

  1. My beef with my parents is that they were overprotective of me and didn’t let me develop especially in the dreaded teenage years.

    I had to find my own way and fight to learn to drive a car at age 23 without any support from them. After that I was already working full time but it opened up a whole new world for me.

    Not having encouragement from your parents can really damage your self esteem. To this day it continues to haunt me.

    1. I think you’re not alone in your parents being over-protective with what you had to deal with. My parents were also over-protective of me, more than my sisters and brother, but completely chose to ignore the fact that I had CP.

      I know your mother was instrumental in your life by helping you, but the nature of being a parent is such that we don’t get everything right. Driving was one element of your life they didn’t get right, but there may have been other elements that were right.

      We have to take what we’re given and work it through so that we can progress in our life, without holding on to bitterness and anger at what we have been deprived of. I hope you will manage to do that Randy. Thank you for posting.

  2. Your story is almost beyond comprehension! As a parent, it is incredible to read what you have described. I am impressed with your strength and understanding.

  3. You’ve done a lot better than me, since I’m still upset with the way I was raised. They ignored my mental health issues which led to many years of needless suffering.

    They had their own mental health issues to deal with, so I try to be understanding to a point. I’m just trying to get beyond these issues so I can have some peace in my life!

    1. Thanks Randy. I hope it’s not long before you get beyond the issues you are dealing with.

      I know how hard it must be for you. I’m here for you anytime you want to talk things out. I believe talking helps. Thank you for posting.

  4. Holy crap Ilana, that’s what I think happened to me. I think my mom knew and didn’t tell me or my dad.

    When I informed them of my diagnosis my father was concerned and kind of confused, but my mom didn’t really react to the news. That with the fact that my aunt once asked my wife “how are you and Bill dealing with his CP?”

    when I questioned my mom about it, she said, “Aunt Micky should learn to keep her mouth shut.” I never got a chance to talk to my aunt, she passed away soon after.

    Can’t really talk to mom, she has Parkinsons now, so it’s really hard for her to speak or think clearly.

    1. I know exactly how you feel. No parent has any excuse not to tell their children what they need to know about what they deal with. Whatever our parents have to deal with, their support needs to lie firmly with their children. I am sorry this happened to you too.

      My advice would be to make yourself stronger and try and put behind you the fact that you mom never told you or your father that you had CP. It’s something she will carry with her, but only she knows why she didn’t tell.

      I’m of the opinion Bill that my experiences for dealing with CP might have been better, but my relationship with my family will still have been the same in many respects. We would have had to have been born to different parents to have had a different outcome, so please don’t carry any guilt. The guilt should firmly be with your parents, particularly your mother for not telling your father.

      I know with your mother now being ill, it won’t be the right time now to talk to her. You simply need to know that you’re not to blame. I haven’t discussed this with my parents either. My mum died 4 years ago and I didn’t know then I had CP and my father still insists today he didn’t know anything about it, if I try and say something. It’s not worth stressing myself out over.

      I know I am not to blame and choose not to carry any of their guilt. You can decide to do that too. I’m here for you if you want to talk this through.

  5. I’m like Randy, in that my parents we’re overprotective of me and I was kept from the normal activities of growing up, so in my 20’s I got out in the world and found my own way.

    I received no encouragement to succeed in anything I did, especially school. My sister received all the praise and encouragement. To this day my mom denies it all.

    1. Lisa I have never met a parent who will admit they made mistakes as far as their children are concerned. It’s good that you got out in your 20’s. I left home at 25 and got married!

      It’s a shame for you that your mum still continues to deny it all, but you know the truth. That’s all that matters.

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Ilana x