Moving on with Life

The real choice is the choice we make, either to move on with our lives, or live with animosity over a life we didn’t choose. I decided to move on.

The heart of the issue is never what the other person has done, but our reactions to what they’ve done. We can either choose to stay a victim or constructively figure out where we want to go and how we need to change. No one has the power to make us miserable, we tend to do that to ourselves.

So how do we move on?

By our understanding. When someone chooses to inflict abuse, neglect, or abandonment on us, they betray themselves. The real betrayal is their own integrity. What they do to others is a result of their own betrayal, nothing to do with us. What we choose to carry is down to us.

When we make something about us, we will compromise our own integrity and will therefore fail to emotionally move on. We all have a choice as to whether we react or respond. A reaction is the story we tell and convince ourselves, based on our past.

A response is a choice we make that allows us to identify how we feel and instead of living with self-pity, we may choose to use our experiences as a springboard to build on honesty, trust and appreciation of who we are, by giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

When we choose not to take out an emotional reaction to an issue or circumstance from our past, we have already unconsciously decided not to accept blame. That concept is important for anyone deciding to move on with their life.

Finally, with our own betrayal and our integrity in tatters, we will have achieved very little in our lifetime. It is always our integrity that defines our good name and it is our good name that people will remember us by, long after we’re gone.

18 Aug, 2015

8 thoughts on “Moving on with Life

  1. Moving on isn’t quite as easy as people seem to think. It is a conscious decision that has to be made on a daily basis, which is what I learned in AA!

    I find it highly insulting when people say things like that to me, since they haven’t been through what I have, so it’s easy for them to talk. They’re the ones who usually say I understand, or I know what you’re going through, when in reality they don’t have a clue!

    I would rather have them say nothing that try to placate me and tell me I shouldn’t feel that way! People have been shoulding on me my whole life, so it isn’t surprising that I continued doing the same thing to myself as an adult. I have tried so hard just to fit in with this group and that group, never really knowing where I belonged!

    I had to become a chameleon as a child just to survive, so eventually I lost touch with any part of myself that was truly my own. I jokingly say my inner child is frozen in carbonite, but it isn’t all that far from the truth. Kind of hard to move on from your past when so much of it is buried so deep in your mind!

    This is such a difficult subject for me, since my resentments and hatred were the fuel for my life for so long. It’s great for surviving, but not very good for actually living!

    Moving on also means letting go, which is one thing I have had the hardest time doing. People needed to pay for what had been done to me but I wasn’t a sociopath so I couldn’t do those things. It turns out that letting go is an all or nothing deal!

    I have held on to a few certain things that keep me mired in that pity pot. If I truly want to live at this point, it’s what I have to do so I can finally move on!

    1. Yes I totally agree Randy, moving on isn’t as easy as people think.

      When our past is buried deep in our unconscious and we’re struggling to come to terms with what happened to us, it’s hard not to become embroiled in our own personal battle, as we try to cope with our daily lives.

      All I would say is that take each day as it comes. Perhaps there will be days where you’re feeling stronger; where you’re feeling better about your past and where you feel you can make small changes.

      Hopefully that will help you move on.

    2. I understand your pain and frustration. People tend to think they know it all when they’re aren’t in our bodies, they don’t feel what we feel they can walk and run and jump. I’d love to be able to teach my girls how to cartwheel!

      On a positive note, I have my MRI scan scheduled for Sept 14 so I should have a proper diagnosis soon.

      1. Thanks,yes Bonnie I couldn’t agree more. It’s always been like this as far back as I can remember.

        Unless we walk a mil in another person’s shoes, get to feel what they feel we will never really know what it’s like to live their lives. It’s never just a physical constraint, it’s what we have to deal with emotionally too, as part of that physical scenario.

        I remember my own MRI scan nearly 7 years ago now! As soon as I found out I had Cerebral Palsy, the whole not knowing scenario lifted and I felt vindicated. I had struggled with the whole physical scenario and being kept in the dark for so many years, it really did come as a relief.

        I would love to hear how you get on. Please come back and let us know. Good luck.

  2. I cannot think of any real justification to sacrifice my sanity by continuously feeling injury from people who have wronged me. My best chance of coming to terms with my past is to carry it inconspicuously on my shoulders and let Karma work when I’m not looking.

    So far this year, I’ve managed to move on and learn from my past so as to never let it repeat itself. This blog is exceptionally informative.

    1. Thanks Tim. I couldn’t agree with you more. I also believe karma works and put my faith in it’s principles.

      I think it’s the easiest way for us to come to terms with and accept what happens in our past, in our life, particularly when others are responsible.

  3. I have learned to accept people’s behaviour but I don’t know if that is the same as moving on. I guess in a way it is.

    I have so much sh*t sent my way if I didn’t accept what had been done then I would be very bitter and it would probably make me ill. I am not the best at forgiving and forgetting and I believe that is not always the best way to handle things.

    Learning to accept is how I manage to find a place for things and people. Your blog shows how you have learned how to cope with the things that have been done to you and we can learn from that.

    Exceptional blog by the way.

    1. Thank you! Yes holding on to bitterness can cause illness after a while. I’m pleased though you have learned to find acceptance on some of the things you’ve had to deal with.

      I have always believed that if and when we can come to accept something we automatically pave the way for us moving on. It doesn’t take away the initial wrongdoing of course, but it does allow us to get on with our lives.

      I believe that with the right understandings in place through the bigger picture, we will always come to accept what happens and move on. It doesn’t make it right of course, it is what it is, but with an understanding we are able to bring about acceptance and then we can move on.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Pre-order my new book

Many thanks
Ilana x