I have always dealt with anxiety ever since I was a small child and although I didn’t know that is what it was, sadly no one thought to ask the question or do anything about it.
What I didn’t know was that my anxiety was because of neurological difficulties brought about through damage to my cerebral cortex, the part of the brain that deals with the emotions. The bad thoughts, talking myself into things and having to talk myself back out of those things. My environment and dealing with fear, were also part of that scenario.
I remember my struggles as if they were yesterday. It makes me angry to even think about it. Understanding it all now doesn’t make it any easier, if anything it makes me more uncomfortable knowing that those I confided in could have helped me. I’m now having to do that on my own.
It’s not surprising then that every now and again, something comes into my head and I take a few steps back. The enormity of what I’ve had to deal with and continually have to deal with around anxiety, continues to add to my anxiety. It never really goes away. It’s a vicious circle, one that I don’t always have control over.
It’s the little voice in my head that I have to compete with that says unkind things, the panic, the fear, no resolve and sometimes not always feeling in control that I struggle with the most.