My autistic smile

My autism is mild enough for me to live my life, and although it gets in the way of my day to day living, it has allowed me to work through and document my experiences. I don’t mind autism, but others certainly struggle to understand me.

For 56 years I have been trying to work out why every time I look at myself in the mirror, my gaze is fixed and without a natural animation smile and I know why now. I hate that I have no animation to my smile.

Looking back on photographs I can see that now. I understand it, but how I got to know about autism will never leave me because it is the reason for my mental and emotional struggles, and I carry those daily.

There is more to my autism than I thought. Most to all of my symptoms, I put down to cerebral palsy and that’s not the case at all.

My sensory issues, my mental and emotional issues had nothing to do with cerebral palsy, but everything to do with autism. Now I know what symptoms belong to which condition, I now have to get my head around it.

I get that not everyone is equipped to deal with ‘skeletons in the closet’ but whichever way you look at this, there is no excuse, for the life I was made to live.


16 Feb, 2020

2 thoughts on “My autistic smile

  1. There wasn’t any excuse for the way we were forced to live as children. I get annoyed when people try to make excuses for my parents.

    We were forced to live with very crowded closets and in my case I wasn’t really allowed to talk about it. People have a hard time reading someone who has autism.

    I’m guessing with my niece I may have to deal with some of the similar issues which would account for my abilities.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, no excuse just understanding from us on how we were brought up.

      Autism is different for us all, particularly for me as my autism is secondary to my primary condition. You can be born with autism, independently of any primary condition.

      It’s good that you make time and you have abilities to help your niece. I am impressed by that. Love that Randy.

      We all have time to be caring, empathetic, kind and patient and we can.

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