Now that I have had autism confirmed, I need to understand the whole autism thing. My writing and what I write are part of an autistic thinking brain. It’s taken me a lot of years to work that out.
The reason I struggle with anxiety and why I have autism, is because the frontal lobe and right parietal lobe, which are responsible for keeping my emotions, my perceptions and reasoning under control, don’t work. With extensive damage to the frontal lobe and some damage to the right parietal lobe, autism was always going to be my thing. The only thing is I could never know that until now.
Unbeknown to me even as a small child, being able to sense shifts in the environment and people, intuitively reading people’s emotions, and temperament (in the moment), personalities, and the mood of those in close proximity to me is an innate skill, forever present in those like me, who deal with autism.
There are people who believe that children or adults who are absorbed in their own world, who don’t respond immediately and who don’t verbally communicate are without feeling; not able to sense what is going on around them; are unaware of other people’s emotions; or are non-receptive to verbal or physical expressions and requests of another person, but that’s not true.
As my story shows that isn’t the case. I could never have done what I’ve done with my writing and blog, to follow and recall each experience, each conversation, without me being able to sense and relate back my experiences, both in my past and present. I believe it was always because of ‘how I am.’
Now with a confirmed diagnosis, I can say it is because I have autism, but still choosing not to be defined by it. What’s sad is that it’s taken me 55 years to work it all out. What I know is that me being and living in my own little world, being autistic as a child, saved me from my childhood and many of my experiences.