My autistic thinking brain

Now that I have had autism confirmed, I need to understand the whole autism thing. My writing and what I write are part of an autistic thinking brain. It’s taken me a lot of years to work that out.

The reason I struggle with anxiety and why I have autism, is because the frontal lobe and right parietal lobe, which are responsible for keeping my emotions, my perceptions and reasoning under control, don’t work. With extensive damage to the frontal lobe and some damage to the right parietal lobe, autism was always going to be my thing. The only thing is I could never know that until now.

Unbeknown to me even as a small child, being able to sense shifts in the environment and people, intuitively reading people’s emotions, and temperament (in the moment), personalities, and the mood of those in close proximity to me is an innate skill, forever present in those like me, who deal with autism.

There are people who believe that children or adults who are absorbed in their own world, who don’t respond immediately and who don’t verbally communicate are without feeling; not able to sense what is going on around them; are unaware of other people’s emotions; or are non-receptive to verbal or physical expressions and requests of another person, but that’s not true.

As my story continues to show that isn’t the case and is further from the truth. I could never have done what I’ve done with my writing and blog, to follow and recall each experience, each conversation, without me being able to sense what is going on around me, both in my past and present. I believe it was always because of ‘how I am.’

Now with a confirmed diagnosis, I can say it is because I have autism, but still choosing not to be defined by it. What’s sad is that it’s taken me 55 years to work it all out. What I know is that me being and living in my own little world, being autistic as a child, saved me from my childhood and many of my experiences.


19 Jan, 2019

2 thoughts on “My autistic thinking brain

  1. People don’t seem to really understand autism, but in the way you’ve explained, it makes perfect sense.

    It’s where certain parts of the brain are damaged and aren’t functioning like they should because of things like cerebral palsy.

    It’s pretty much the same as a computer where if there are parts that aren’t working right, the whole thing isn’t going to work, but those are parts that can’t be replaced.

    I often wonder how much brain damage I ended up having, due to a girl trying to crush my skull when I was 4, which was why I had to start wearing glasses.

    Both of us have had to learn how to work around what issues we have had, but it would be nice to know if there is actually a medical issue causing my problems.

    1. Thanks Randy. It would be good for you to know for sure. I know an MRI scan would give you your answers.

      It would also help others understand how you present. When we’re so different and we continue to struggle, others don’t always feel comfortable or know how to deal with us.

      Not knowing makes it all the more difficult of course. I feel I’m getting there, it would be great for you too.

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