I feel it’s important I write about my emotional childhood struggles, growing up. They seem completely relevant now. When I was a child I found it very difficult to shift bad thoughts. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know how to move my thinking and I failed as many times as I tried.
Although as children we don’t always understand our feelings or how to identify what we feel, living in a negative environment doesn’t help. I carried all the hallmarks of depression, being insecure. That is one memory.
A lot of what we hear, see and experience in the early years, play a part in the running of our lives. Insecure children, become insecure adults. Nothing changes, we just become good at masking our insecurities, so the outside world doesn’t see what we feel inside.
Insecurities and fears which cannot be placed or identified in that moment are also likely to go back further. Everything we’ve heard or seen is stored in our subconscious, recorded as a memory, together with the feelings that went with those experiences.
Looking back and understanding more of my experiences and how the subconscious works, I know it’s something I’m going to have to work on and through. Sadly, too many traumatic childhood experiences are the reason.