Today I woke up with such frustration, not sure I had that much in me. But the realities of what I’ve had to deal with in the last few months have seemed to consciously hit home this morning.
I take the view that problems don’t last forever, so that helps me cope with what I have to deal with; but my frustrations are based on having to deal with all of my problems including the lack of support and the issues around my Cerebral Palsy.
When I look back on my life, I’ve never had life easy; so it’s not like all my struggles are new to me. I’m beginning to feel tired and just wish that one day, my life would be near to what I would call normal. We can’t completely define normal, but normal to me would be just to be able to me, without the on-going daily problems that I have to deal with.
My thoughts constantly go back to the times where I didn’t have the responsibility and although they weren’t good times, they were however times when I had just me to think about. Those were the times I retreated into my own little world, a world where emotionally I felt safe and secure.
Being the adult now means that I have to make the world safe for others and that’s a heavy burden. The problems based around my son’s assault has changed how I see the world and I can’t get that back. I almost want to hibernate. That one day I will wake up and my problems will have been resolved, but unlike a fairytale ending that’s not going to happen.
I need to emotionally rest for a while; clear my head for a bit, but I know I will continue to work on things. After all what choice do I have? What choice do any of us have?