My core nature

7 Oct 2016

As a child, my core nature that is a set of automatically triggered perceptions and values and priorities that are present at birth, were never identified by my parents.

Being seen as an angry child, the underlying qualities that I was born with were completely ignored. Instead I was constantly being judged on my outward behaviour. We cannot know what someone or something is really like by looking at that person, or appearance without thinking about, or coming to understand what that person deals with or how they really are.

Others must come to understand our behaviour and in doing so they will come to recognise our struggles enough to know that our outward behaviour is always symptomatic of in my case emotional and physical difficulties. My core nature back then, which hardly ever surfaced, is now exhibited and continues to be exhibited through my writing.

It’s something my father recognised later in my life. The irony is I have never changed. My thoughts and feelings, who I really was back then, is still very much who I am today minus the anger.

2 Responses to “My core nature”

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  1. Brad 07. Oct, 2016 at 9:43 pm #

    I know from my own experience how easy it is to be judged by our outward personalities.

    It’s important for people to get beyond that and to see us for who we really are. It is great that your father told you that he recognised your true qualities.

    I suspect that not many children get to hear that from a parent.

    • Ilana 07. Oct, 2016 at 9:50 pm #

      Thanks, yes it’s very rare that a parent will admit they were wrong and although it was late in coming I did feel as though I had been exonerated that for the first time he had understood my behaviour all those years ago.

      I think it’s absolutely commendable for any parent to do that. Rather than admit our faults, we either ignore we’ve done anything wrong or will deny our faults if confronted.

      The conversation that I had changed the dynamics between us both, for the better.

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