In my early thirties I spent many sessions in counselling not knowing I had cerebral palsy or autism. Had I have known about them both, I could have got the right help some 30 years ago.
Instead I was left to battle through each session, without understanding anything about myself or my life. Without knowing, meant I was thrown in at the deep end without the necessary tools to be able to adapt into my life. Whilst I have the understanding now, I can’t get my head around the fact that this was my life and others deemed it acceptable.
Do we really get over our experiences and what we’ve been through and if we do, do we come through completely unscathed? I believe the answer lies in our perceptions, how we choose to view our experiences. Perhaps my experiences are something I need to come through, rather than ‘get over.’ We see ‘getting over’ as something that is equivalent to ‘forgive and forget.’
Whilst there is a forgive element to everything we deal with, forgiving doesn’t mean we condone what happens to us, I believe it means we release the resentment, bitterness and anger that goes with the experience. When you forgive, you let go of the worry and the sleepless nights.
In session, I would have general chats about things I struggled with, rather than being given the tools to move forward. Until I started making my own connections with my experiences, our general chats didn’t help. I wasn’t given the tools to interpret my circumstances differently. I couldn’t get past the ‘blame game’ because that blame had nowhere to go. No one was taking responsibility.
As we continue to make assumptions on events that happen in our past, we know we can’t change the past, so we remain stuck in an emotional pattern, caused by our experience. It is important we understand our experiences and make those all-important connections.