My experiences with autism

I grew up only knowing about a bad leg and foot, so having an autism diagnosis is the biggest thing that’s happened to me.

With an autism diagnosis, I now have understanding. It is the reason why I struggled, why I would continually start something and give up, and why over the years I was labelled as being lazy. It is the reason I didn’t understand school and the reason why I couldn’t learn.

It also explains why, when I was asked why I wasn’t doing homework, my standard answer was, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ Giving a name to my symptoms for the first time allows me to stand back  and exonerate myself from any blame, shame, guilt or wrongdoing.

The consultation in January 2019 confirming I have ASD is now somewhat of a blur. For now, my autism diagnosis seems to have reinforced the whole disability thing and how I got to this place. I feel it has come too late in the day for me to be told something I should have been told as a child. It also feels good however, that I have never chosen to define myself by either condition.

Yes, I have mild cerebral palsy and I have autism, but if I can use what I know about both conditions to understand myself, and for others to understand me, I will have really achieved something.

20 Jan, 2019

6 thoughts on “My experiences with autism

  1. I can see from your attitude that you’re in a good place with your diagnoses. The next step is to relax your brain and discover the value of what many people consider a gift.

    Did you know that Albert Einstein was diagnosed with autism? So is my nephew, who is now at the top of his class at a prestigious university, but I’m not bragging.

    1. Thanks Tim. You’re right I do need to relax my brain so that I can function more normally without the anxiety and stress that comes with autism.

      Good for you. I love that you brag about your nephew and why not? You’re proud of him.

      Just imagine what I could have achieved with the right support in place to help me through my disability. Just having a diagnosis would have helped.

  2. It would have been great if you had known what your issues were as a child, but it doesn’t seem like your parents put much effort into really figuring it out, but rather tried to ignore it like it was a dirty little secret.

    It was a whole different time period where things like cerebral palsy and autism weren’t openly discussed like they are now, which is a shame.

    My parents always tried to act like there was nothing wrong with any of us, but there wasn’t any way to really hide it. We didn’t just have an elephant in the living room we had the whole damn herd.

    It would have just been nice for both of us to know what our issues were and have been allowed to deal with them, rather than being led to believe that it was just something wrong with us.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, you’re right. It’s funny but even as a small child I innately believed my issues had nothing to do with me. I never asked for much, but all I ever wanted to know what was wrong with me.

      It has taken me a lot of years to understand my symptoms and to know what my diagnosis was. And even though there was a diagnosis on my cerebral palsy it may still have been harder to diagnose autism.

      It was important for me to at least understand my presenting neurological symptoms. I feel more empowered because I know.

      I would advise anyone who struggles mentally or physically to find out about what they deal with.

  3. Understanding ourselves is everything and finally you now have that understanding. I believe you were always going to get your diagnosis, when the time was right.

    1. Honestly, I could never know that, but I did live with hope in my heart that one day I would. That thought never left me, although there were times when I began to question it.

      Now of course I’m older and understand the spiritual concept in its entirety. Children don’t always understand that concept. Instead they believe their families have their backs.

      I believed that too.

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