Another personal blog because this was on my mind. My parents never positively encouraged me to think about my feelings as a child, which meant I missed out on the opportunity for me to be able to process my feelings.
Knowing about autism as a child would have makes that process even more difficult. As the adult, I have had to start at the beginning to learn how to process my feelings. Unless something becomes obvious and I have an answer straight away, it can be scary and a challenge to work through.
I try to think about what I feel, to see if I can rationale what I’m thinking, because I know I don’t sit well with discomfort, but I need to get better at changing the thought process that comes with the discomfort, so I panic less.
‘To accept’ something is to shift that thing. Accepting we feel what we feel, is the first step towards working through any process. For me it’s not about resisting the feeling, because I know the feelings are there. I need to be able to deal with those feelings without the need to panic.
As I begin to accept and own my feelings without a need for me to fix or judge myself, I know I didn’t need to do either as a child. My disability was never about me, but other people’s issues of me living with a disability.
I know accepting what I deal with, helps my feelings dissipate and that always helps.