My feelings on autism

It’s another back to back blog. Having just come away with a confirmed diagnosis for autism means I must now accept the diagnosis and live my life with a new thinking around my symptoms. It’s taken 9 years since the original cerebral palsy diagnosis for me to work everything out.

I suppose in a way I’m lucky, because my autism symptoms are mild. Over the years I have taught myself to adapt into my life, but it’s something I need to continue to do. When it comes to anxiety, new unfamiliar situations are difficult.

I’m also not sure how I feel about having autism, or what I’m struggling with the most, the fact that my life has been one big struggle with symptoms I knew nothing about and had to learn about on my own, or the fact that no one cared enough to help, so that life could have been made easier, particularly in school.

You couldn’t make this situation up. Although it’s easier knowing I have autism versus not knowing, it doesn’t stop me living with anxiety and having to deal with autism symptoms.


13 Jan, 2019

4 thoughts on “My feelings on autism

  1. You finally have a place for all of your feelings. It has been a long and emotional journey which has encompassed pretty much every emotion along the way.

    In time positivity will replace how you feel now and that will help you cope with and manage your symptoms. It may be that your diagnosis helps with your anxiety too.

    Knowing the reasons for how you are feeling can help manage those feelings.

    1. Thank you. Yes, knowing I have autism is the last piece to 9 years of an extended jigsaw, and is a relief.

      I have mixed emotions because of how I got to this point and that isn’t easily resolved, but as you say positivity will replace how I feel now and that should help me at least manage my neurological symptoms.

  2. Knowing about your issues is half the battle, but it doesn’t always make things any easier when you’re having to deal with them.

    I knew exactly what my issues were at a very early age, but you can only pretend like you’re normal for so long, before everything crumbles around you.

    I have spent pretty much half of my life watching others do the same thing, and not even realize that is what I was doing. I tried dealing with my problems with alcohol and drugs but that only made things worse.

    The worst part is knowing that my life could have turned out better but I allowed false pride to control my life.

    I have to fight hard now to build the life that I want, which I’m not even sure how to do, but I’m pretty sure that I can do it.

    1. Thanks Randy. I agree with you that knowing about something we deal with is half the battle and the other half is dealing with its symptoms. But where we have no choice, and we sometimes don’t, we must find a way through, for the sake of our sanity and our health.

      I know that if I had my time again, I would still choose to work through and identify what I have identified now. Although it’s taken me 55 years to work through the process I have come through the other end a more balanced, happier individual.

      No matter what we deal with, as children we have a right to know about ourselves. This is all I am trying to do.

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