I believe that no matter how parents raise us, they will never get it right one hundred per cent. Being a parent myself, I know I will do okay at some things, but probably not all.
But what about those of us like myself who haven’t had the best input and yet continue to carry guilt over the actions of our parents? I carried guilt for not, as I saw it, persevering in school when I found it extremely difficult to keep up and was constantly falling behind. I carried guilt when my sister asked me why I wasn’t working, when in truth I was already struggling.
I carried guilt for not doing well in exams, and not making headway in the most important years of my life. My biggest guilt was ripping up school reports because I couldn’t bear to read the comments, and yet I wasn’t the one to blame. I carried the guilt for years but now I see the guilt I carried had nothing to do with me.
My life had always been a consequence of other people’s inadequacies and inability to guide, help and support me. Some 55 years later and extensive work on my physical, emotional and neurological issues, I am now in a better place.
I have had to learn how to pick up the pieces after years of negativity. The opportunity to stop beating myself up about my education came just before my mother died, when I decided it was time to do relook at my education.