I believe that no matter how parents raise their children, they will never get it right one hundred per cent. But what about those of us who continue to carry guilt over the actions of our parents?
I carried guilt for not persevering in school when I found it extremely difficult to keep up and was constantly falling behind. I carried guilt when I was asked why I wasn’t working, when in truth I was already struggling.
I carried guilt for not doing well in exams, and not making headway in the most important years of my life. My biggest guilt was ripping up school reports, because I couldn’t bear to read my teachers’ comments, and failing with my education and yet I wasn’t the one to blame.
I carried the guilt for years, but now see the guilt I carried had nothing to do with me. My guilt had always been a consequence of other people’s insecurities and inability to guide, help and support me with a disability.
Some 56 years later and after extensive work on my physical, emotional and neurological issues, I am now in a better emotional place. I have had to learn how to pick up the pieces after years of negativity and trauma.
The opportunity to stop beating myself up about my life, came just before my mum passed, when she told me my birth was difficult, and that made me think about my disability, and a new journey began.