I believe that no matter how parents raise us, they will never get it right one hundred per cent. Being a parent myself, I know I will do okay at some things, but probably not all.
But what about those who continue to carry guilt over the actions of their parents? I carried guilt for not persevering in school when I found it extremely difficult to keep up and I was constantly falling behind. I carried guilt when I was asked why I wasn’t working, when in truth I was already struggling.
I carried guilt for not making headway in the most important years of my life. My biggest guilt was ripping up school reports because I couldn’t bear to read the comments, and yet I wasn’t to blame. I carried the guilt for 25 years, but now I see the guilt had nothing to do with me.
My life had always been a consequence of other people’s inadequacies and inability to guide, help and support me. Some 55 years on and extensive work on my physical, emotional and neurological issues, I am now in a better place. I have had to learn how to pick up the pieces after years of negativity.
The opportunity to stop beating myself up about my education and my life came just before my mother died, when something she said made me think about my life in the whole and my journey began.