I believe that no matter how parents raise us, they will never get it right one hundred per cent. But what about those of us who continue to carry guilt over the actions of our parents?
I carried guilt for not persevering in school when I found it extremely difficult to keep up and I was constantly falling behind, I carried guilt when I was asked why I wasn’t working, when in truth, I was already struggling.
I carried guilt for never making headway and feeling I’d failed at my education. My biggest guilt was ripping up my school reports because I couldn’t bear to read my teachers’ comments. I carried the guilt for 25 years, but I see now the guilt had nothing to do with me.
My guilt has always been a consequence of other people’s inability to guide, help and support me through my disability. Some 56 years on and extensive work on my physical, emotional and neurological issues, I am now in a better emotional place.
I have had to learn how to pick up the pieces. The opportunity to stop beating myself up about my life came just before my mum passed, when something she said made me think about my life differently and a new journey began.