My handwriting issues

Nearly eight years on and out of everything I’ve had to deal with since I started my ‘knowing’ journey, my handwriting is the only thing I haven’t yet tackled. I haven’t talked about my struggles with my handwriting in any great detail yet, primarily because I’m too embarrassed.

Handwriting is one of those things we learn as a child and then subconsciously just do it. We don’t even have to think about it; although I appreciate that with technology advances we probably write less now. Sadly, my brain damage stops me from forming my letters together.

Another problem is that if someone speaks too quickly as I’m trying to write, my brain not only has trouble interpreting what I hear at the speed it’s given, but I also struggle to form the outlines. As explained, my Consultant says this is due to a non-dominant parietal lobe problem, so perhaps I shouldn’t be so embarrassed.

I also write at snail’s pace. In school my writing was too small, but perhaps that’s got something to do with the outlines being small enough for me to form them, without them being a problem. It didn’t matter how many times I got shouted at or how many times I was told to write larger and quicker, I just couldn’t. It’s also a shame no teacher stopped to question why.

Now that I have managed to make the outlines slightly bigger, they’re even less formed. I have always struggled with my handwriting, but it also didn’t help that my father used to walk behind me telling me to do the things he knew I couldn’t do.

There are times where I feel incredibly stupid that something so basic is something I struggle with, but I think I’m struggling more with the injustice of how I got to this place again.


18 Feb, 2018

4 thoughts on “My handwriting issues

  1. Feeling stupid isn’t the first emotion that springs to my mind. Anger, let down, deceit are all up there for me and you’re the last person who should feel bad about this.

    The only positive I can say, is that the jigsaw is one more piece nearing completion, not that you should have had to complete it in this way.

    But you tackle it with composure and grace and those that should have been there for you, know this are the qualities they also should have exhibited.

    1. Thank you for recognising those emotions. It’s good that I’m hearing it from someone else that wasn’t around me as a young child.

      This isn’t something you could make up or would want to experience yourself, but even through the neglect and abuse I have still chosen to do things in a conciliatory way.

      As a child I tried, but through years of anger, there were moments of kindness, now reflected in my blogs and through my responses.

      It was me all the time, but sadly through no fault of my own, it took me time to get there.

  2. Yes, it always seems to be those little issues that seem to be the worst for us. I always had trouble focusing for long periods, especially in school and when somebody would be trying to explain things to me, which did make me appear to be very stupid!

    Only recently was I diagnosed as having ADHD after I went to be tested for possibly having a TBI, considering what I have gone through in my life.

    It would have made a lot of sense after having a girl try to crush my skull when I was 4 and then the subsequent beatings I received from bullies because I was a 4 eyed freak, when I had to wear glasses afterwards.

    My parents never really acknowledged my issues either, or looked for any possible causes so we both were left to figure it out on our own.

  3. Thanks Randy. Yes, I hear you and like you I am still working things out. But I’m not sure this is something that I can sort out.

    I am sure your ADHD diagnosis will give you understanding now of you’re being unable to focus for long periods.

    Although we’re not always happy to receive the advice or the diagnosis, I do think having the diagnosis helps us understand more of what we deal with and then being able to deal with it.

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