My immature thinking

Age is not always a guarantee of maturity and in my case it’s absolutely true. I would love to be able to write a different blog about maturity, of the things that make me mature emotionally, with other people, but my reality is that although I have physically grown up, my thinking hasn’t matured with it.

I was given an intelligence test as a small child, because my specialist wasn’t sure how mentally affected I would be. Through my intuition I have found a different way to learn. I know that if I didn’t use that I would be catapulted into a more secluded place. My intuitive thoughts, help take me to a better place and that is where I continue to work from.

Where I lack maturity, I am able to work with my intuition and where other people’s thinking is more mature than mine, I would like to think my intuition helps with that. Because my rewiring is upside down and where others without brain damage have a normal thinking brain and maturity, I simply don’t.

When it came to growing up, I was always at the back of the queue, particularly when it came to forming relationships. I didn’t notice or feel the need. That’s just one part of it. Because the Cerebral Cortex that deals with emotions, maturity and feelings is extensively damaged, I lack the normal emotional maturity that you would expect to experience in growing up, going through the various stages.

It’s only when I come to analyse my backward thinking that I get to see the right picture, the normal thinking picture. I believe my writing has opened new doors to the possibilities others automatically have that they take for granted that I can begin to think differently, with more of the right thoughts. Using my intuition as a daily guide, shows me a mature way to think, where my brain lacks the capacity to think for itself.

Instead, my immature thinking has been replaced with my ability to empathise, use my intuition, show my deep appreciation for meaningful things, my keen awareness to other people’s pain and my passion for things and to work with all my senses in abundance.


29 Nov, 2016

6 thoughts on “My immature thinking

  1. Yes, maturity is something I often struggle with, but for different reasons. They say in AA that you stop maturing when you first pick up the drink to get drunk, which would put me at around 12 years old. Therefore I have spent most of my life in an adult body while still thinking like a preteen.

    Obviously that didn’t work very well since here I am, at almost 50, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I may have gained a lot of wisdom from the mistakes I have made, but that doesn’t change the facts of how I used to live my life.

    There were so many situations where I kept jumping into things for all the wrong reasons and suffered accordingly. I don’t want to have to suffer anymore, so I’m going to try to live my life differently than I ever have before.

    1. Thanks Randy. The AA’s analogy is a good one Randy. Anyone mature enough would know not to pick up a drink, absolutely… but what they fail to take into consideration is other people’s circumstances and how and why that person turns to drink.

      I don’t see you around 12 years old at all. I’m not saying that because I’m being nice to you and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s true. I see you as the age you’re supposed to be, temporarily trapped in a life you’re trying to move away from and change.

      I think if life was that simple, people wouldn’t struggle and the world would be much sweeter. You probably wouldn’t have had to struggle as much as you have and your parents would have parented you differently, because they would have coped better.

      That said, you are armed with so much more knowledge Randy. You just have to read your responses back to see how far you’ve come and how much you understand. I believe relationships play a part in how old we are and how we feel about ourselves.

      When we’re with someone who is our equal, it’s easy to act and be our age. If we’re with someone who treats us less than equal, we tend to become more subservient, passive, timid, dutiful and therefore less likely to act our age.

  2. It must be extremely difficult for you, because your life evolves one way as you are tied to a Neurological impairment; meaning you can’t change the way you act or behave and others might not understand that unless they are aware of this.

    I would think it’s easy to be misunderstood at times. Perhaps people need to understand and get down to your level so that they come to terms with how you work.

    1. Being honest, it’s virtually impossible. It’s like having a faulty plug and expecting that plug to work normally. It never will. I can’t remember the last time I was understood for me being me with the way I think; and I say that with the utmost respect.

      I have always got down and continue to get down to other people’s level, on the back of what I’ve had to deal with emotionally and physically and wouldn’t want to work any other way, but feel more of us should at least try.

      The more we try, the less likely we are to stand in judgment. When we don’t understand we’re more likely to blame the other person for being stubborn or argumentative, but it runs deeper than that. It’s not about that.

  3. With all this talk about your immaturity, the evidence is not there. You may have strategic retreats here and there, but you’re not immature at all.

    Your last paragraph is more proof, as to why we admire your endless maturity.

    1. Awww thanks Tim. Yes, I contain it well, but you’re right I have strategic retreats here and there that the public don’t always see.

      Where I struggle, my writing allows me to be mature and tells a completely different story.

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