My irrational fears

Anyone who has Sensory Processing Disorder may potentially know they deal with irrational fears through anxiety and stress that can also leave them feeling panicked. I get to deal with all three.

It’s very hard to explain to anyone who doesn’t understand what it is exactly that we deal with. Others will offer their opinions, think they know what we deal with and how we present, because they’re looking at their own version of what they assume we deal with. And although ‘SPD’ already throws uncertainties into the equation, it becomes difficult when we have to deal with other people’s assumptions of us.

We know SPD is a condition in which the brain has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses and is brought about through brain damage, in my own case Cerebral Palsy. Sensory Processing Disorder, irrational fears and anxiety are simpatico, which means they work together.

It’s massively debilitating not to be able to control how the mind, body and nervous system respond to stress. It becomes doubly hard, when others fail to understand or stand back to help us deal with those issues. In that moment, things can become very intense, when what we think and feel becomes ever consuming to the point of feeling panicked.

Something as simple as being late for an appointment, consuming too much food, drinking alcohol, where something has the ability to change and we have no control on how we perceive the issue, those can all be triggers.

It’s not that we want control over those things, we want control of how those things make us feel. There is a difference. This is what isn’t understood by others. Hopefully now they will understand.


9 Jan, 2018

4 thoughts on “My irrational fears

  1. It must be very difficult for you to cope with the day to day uncertainty that comes with SPD and also difficult for those around you if they don’t understand how this affects you.

    With patience and compassion on their part, I am sure they will be able to manage their understanding better. Also I would add I don’t think these are irrational fears.

    While SPD is little known, it is increasingly recognised and acknowleged nowadays.

    1. Thank you. Yes, the older I have got the more it has become obvious.

      Perhaps that’s got something to do with my being an adult and having responsibilities that need dealing with. As a child, never having to make my own decisions, the pressure and responsibilities weren’t there, so I was cushioned.

      And you’re right. Sensory Processing Disorder is now more recognised and is being acknowledged. Those around those who deal with SPD must understand and work with those who have the condition.

      We don’t choose to present this way. It’s what we have to deal with. Sadly, when I was growing up there was little known about neurological impairments.

  2. Yes, sadly people who don’t have these issues can’t understand what it’s really like, even if they try to say that they do.

    In your case it stems from having Cerebral Palsy and in mine, they were created by being exposed to repeated traumatic events that changed the way my mind worked. I do know that they are not the same things, but the end results are very similar, where you don’t experience things that happen the same way as others would.

    My girlfriend criticises me over getting angry about what she considers little things, but in my mind it’s terrifying and she hasn’t been through anything close to what I have been through. She expects me to just get over it, which amazes me since she has known me for 12 years and certain things have been very consistent.

    I’m sure that in your childhood you had a lot of times where you would have been told that you were being dramatic and things like that when it wasn’t like you were acting that way intentionally.

    When you grow up with your feelings being constantly ignored or discounted, you end up wondering what’s really normal, which tends to make things so much worse. I know I got to the point where I was questioning my own sanity, because they were expecting me to ignore things that most other people wouldn’t be able to, for the sake of their own survival.

    People think I’m actually kidding, when I say that my mother should have worked for the CIA considering how good she was at brainwashing. She even had me lying about not having money while we starved for 2 weeks.

    People may consider our fears to be irrational, but they don’t feel things things the same way as we do.

    1. Thanks Randy. It’s a sad story, but I find it positive at the same time, because you didn’t give up. Instead you found a way through.

      Like you, not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy and still having to deal with the emotional trauma of dealing with my physical and emotional difficulties, sadly meant I also had trauma to deal with.

      You’re right, this isn’t something others will understand and which is why you’re not getting any sympathy from your girlfriend. It’s also not something you get over it, but we do have to learn to manage and work through it.

      I actually don’t remember being told I was being dramatic, but I do remember struggling to be heard around the injustice of it all.

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