My life on the Autism Spectrum

I hated having to struggle through mentally challenging issues as a child later finding out it was autism; on the other hand, I love what it has allowed me to do and hate that I have been singled out because I live with a mental disability; it shouldn’t matter.

I also hate the fact that for most, or all of my life I’ve had to defend my corner around a disability I didn’t know I had and still I was singled out. Through my blog and my book, my writing has allowed me to understand myself, my life and my experiences.

I hate how autism walks into a room before I do. I hate the ‘autistic look.’ I find ways through so that I make living with autism more palatable, bearable. Being diagnosed for the first time in 2019 with autism, means I am having to compete with new feelings.

And where relationships are concerned, for those of us with autism, others must want to continue to give where we struggle, particularly as we rely on structure, routine, sameness and a dichotomy between our interpretations and what we’re told. Other people’s failure to understand us also doesn’t help.

If people didn’t make us feel so awkward, we wouldn’t need to hate our disability. How we feel is how others make us feel and that results in hate.

21 Dec, 2020

2 thoughts on “My life on the Autism Spectrum

  1. I absolutely guarantee you that your spirit envelops any room that you enter, please understand that.

    In fact, you clear the pollution left by people masking as normal. Unlike you, they are subservient to illusion, not facts, not reality.

    Having said that, you are more fully yourself with autism, a gifted soul indeed.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, you’ve picked up how on how hard I’m finding that concept.

      I see through my own struggles other people’s struggles clearly and am able to empathise. Beneath my anger as a child, I was that pleasing child, always putting family first.

      I see through an open, unclouded lens, looking at the whole, rather than half of something and that gives me an altogether different perspective. That said not everyone will know how to deal with those of us who deal with autism.

      I’ve heard it said that unless you walk a mile in another person’s shoes, or you’re at least willing to think ‘outside the box’ it is difficult to understand what someone deals with. But we should at least try.

      Whilst people generally think autistic people don’t have empathy and compassion, they are the total opposite. We are deep thinkers and do empathise all the time with what others have to deal with.

      Yes, I couldn’t do what I do without empathy, compassion or caring about others, I couldn’t write in the way I do without ‘my gift.

      Thanks for making me feel better.

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