My school exams

Certain experiences trigger certain issues for me. My writing, together with my memories have shaped who I have become, so it’s not all bad.

There is no doubt in my mind that my father was a perfectionist. He had high expectations, his demeanour was testament to that. As children we learn and come to know many things about our parents. My father also had a strong character, he certainly ‘didn’t suffer fools gladly.’

The day I received my exam results at the age of 16, will always firmly be etched in my mind, because I remember the phone call I made to my father to tell him about my grades and although he was okay about it, it was obvious from his response he wasn’t expecting much from me.

He never anticipated or expected me to do any better, but my whole schooling was like that. The truth was that through Cerebral Palsy and my particular brain injury, I was struggling to grasp even the basics in school. And although it still bothers me, I know that with the help I may have adjusted better, instead of being left to hang out to dry.

Each day I showed up for school was another day of mental and emotional struggle. What makes me angry is that my father put the onus on me and I lapped up the guilt because it had no where to go. We’re not all academic, but through determination and hard work and putting in the hours, I believe we can all achieve good exam results.

All external exams came out on a Thursday, so by Friday my father was already on the phone to my school to discuss my options. Being told that I hadn’t achieved the required grades to stay on at school, by the following Monday my father had already enrolled me in college.

There was no discussion, but there never was. I simply conformed as I always did. But it was to be another part of my education that brought with it yet more frustration for me.

13 May, 2018

4 thoughts on “My school exams

  1. I was lucky and found school easy. I similarly had no guidance but managed okay in spite. I can understand why it was frustrating as you were unable to learn, especially when you wanted to and didn’t understand why.

    I find it incredible that your father didn’t take an interest in your struggles, but perhaps I shouldn’t find that a surprise. I am pleased that you have achieved so much since.

    What you have achieved with your website particularly, is something you can be enormously proud of.

    1. Thank you. You were lucky because school isn’t always easy to navigate.

      Personally, I try not to pay too much attention to my negative experiences, because I don’t want to hold myself back, but I do get to write about them and that helps me find acceptance and closure where I didn’t have either.

      There’s not much more I can say on what happened apart from what’s in my blog, suffice to say I have changed things for my own children.

  2. I find it disheartening that you fathers verbal and emotional tone wasn’t uplifting, a tone derived from something other than conscious parenting.

    However, your later days are full of confirmations and corrections that convinced you intellectually that you can accomplish almost anything.

    1. Thanks Tim. Truthfully, I never stopped thinking things through or trying to work things out, even through my school days. I feel as though I had already worked out that school wasn’t my thing. I just didn’t seem stressed.

      As for my father, his behaviour is not something I ever condoned, to be honest they were difficult times, but through various conversations towards the end of his life, I did come to understand him a lot better.

      That doesn’t take away his responsibility, but it does help me understand the bigger picture of his life. And that helped me understand why I needed to drastically change things.

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