My school exams

Certain experiences trigger certain issues. My writing, has shaped who I have become, so it’s not all bad. There is no doubt that my father had high expectations. As children we learn and come to know many things about our parents.

The day I received my exam results at the age of 16, will always firmly be etched in my mind, because I remember the phone call I made to my father to tell him about my grades and although he was okay about it, it was obvious from his response he wasn’t expecting much.

He never anticipated I would do any better, but my whole schooling was like that. The truth was that through cerebral palsy, I was struggling to grasp even the basics in school. And although it still bothers me, I know that with the help I will have adjusted better had the help and support been in place.

Each day that I showed up for school was another day of mental and emotional torment. What isn’t right is that given my disability, the onus was on me and I lapped up the guilt because it had no where to go.

All external exams come out in the UK on a Thursday, so by Friday my father was already on the phone to my school to discuss my options. Being told that I hadn’t achieved the required grades to stay on at school, by the following Monday my father had already enrolled me in college.

There was no discussion, and I simply conformed as I always did. It was another part of my education that brought with it, yet more irritations and frustrations.

13 May, 2018

4 thoughts on “My school exams

  1. I was lucky and found school easy. I similarly had no guidance but managed okay in spite. I can understand why it was frustrating as you were unable to learn, especially when you wanted to and didn’t understand why.

    I find it incredible that your father didn’t take an interest in your struggles, but perhaps I shouldn’t find that a surprise. I am pleased that you have achieved so much since.

    What you have achieved with your website particularly, is something you can be enormously proud of.

    1. Thank you. You were lucky because school isn’t always easy to navigate.

      Personally, I try not to draw too much attention to my negative experiences, because I don’t want to hold myself back. However, I am able to write about them and that helps me find acceptance.

  2. I find it disheartening that you fathers verbal and emotional tone wasn’t uplifting, a tone derived from something other than conscious parenting.

    However, your later days are full of confirmations and corrections that convinced you intellectually that you can accomplish almost anything.

    1. Thanks Tim. Truthfully, I never stopped thinking things through or trying to work things out, even through my school days. I feel as though I had already worked out that school wasn’t my thing. I just didn’t seem stressed.

      As for my father, his behaviour is not something I ever condoned, to be honest they were difficult times, but through various conversations towards the end of his life, I did come to understand him a lot better.

      That doesn’t take away his responsibility, but it does help me understand the bigger picture of his life. And that helped me understand why I needed to drastically change things.

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Ilana x