My sensory process

It has taken me too many years to understand how my sensory issues work.

It doesn’t matter how many questions other people ask, if the questions I need to ask don’t concur with the questions other people have asked, the thoughts sadly attached to my own thinking, can make me feel panic and that’s when I may begin to struggle.

If there is an issue and it’s not being resolved in a way that helps me find the resolution myself, the issue stays with me until a resolution is found. So long as I get on with finding a resolution and working it through in my own way, with others working with me, those issues can be resolved quickly.

If the issues are there, they’re usually there for good reason, but I need to sort them out before they go; they never go until I sort them out. The issues I have sadly don’t have to be my issues. They can be other people’s issues that involve me that they’re not dealing with.

Dealing with sensory issues is never an easy process, but it helps to have other people’s understanding. People may not fully understand how sensory issues work, but it would make things easier if others came to understand the process that I need to work through, just to feel comfortable in my own skin.

1 Nov, 2015

4 thoughts on “My sensory process

  1. Yes, this is what I have been trying to explain to my girlfriend with very limited success!

    With the way I grew up, we didn’t always have a chance to process what was going on around us right away. We had to take in the information and carry it with us in our minds until we had the time to process it.

    I’m guessing this is probably common among people who deal with PTSD, because the mind is in survival mode all the time.If all you ever had was the chance to survive and/or just exist, you adapt to do so and it becomes something that isn’t easy to just ‘turn off.’

    The other important issue is that when you never know what reaction you’re going to get, especially from your parents, you learn to think very carefully before you speak. It tends to make you very neurotic where you’re running a 100 scenarios through your head of what you should say, when asked a question.

    My girlfriend gets mad when I don’t respond right away, but it takes longer for me to process information, especially a lot of it than most people. She acts like I do it intentionally, but when your sensory process has been damaged and hard-wired into your brain, you can’t always change it overnight. I wish it was that easy!

    I actually told my counselor the other day that trying to explain my issues to people is like trying to explain rocket science to monkeys; they just don’t get it. I’m sure this must be like what POW’s go through after being tortured for years and then try to go back to living a normal life!

    They would definitely have sensory issues and find it very difficult to process everyday things like other people do. I think that’s why I came to identify with Vietnam veterans, who came back with extreme cases of PTSD, from going through what people just couldn’t begin to comprehend. You don’t survive through that kind of Hell without having a few scars, especially the kind you can’t see!

    People also aren’t very aware of what it’s like to deal with the damage that they can’t see in your mind. They seem to think that just because you look normal you should be able to act that way. I would have much rather been physically beaten rather than the emotional abuse I’ve suffered, because physical scars heal and people can see them.

    I have dealt with a lot of years of feeling like I’ve been judged, because physically I have been healthy, but my mind was the problem. They somehow think that I have been on such a fantastic vacation, where I get to sit around on the computer all day, when I would have much rather been living a life worth living. Maybe someday in the time I have left!

    1. I can resonate with your feelings, and ‘just get you’ Randy. Any form of emotional abuse can bring about what you’ve had to deal with. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through it.

      Any form of abuse is difficult, but the kind you can’t see is a lot more difficult, because people are more likely to stand in judgment. It’s not like a broken leg, where you get the sympathy vote.

      That said I think if there was more empathy and compassion out there, we’d all just be okay with each other. We’d be okay with everything. We can’t change others and how they see us, I wish we could but that’s up to them.

      All we can do is change ourselves so that we deal with how others see us. That’s all we can do.

  2. I’m pleased that you have now come to an understanding. Those years when you didn’t understand the processes must have been very difficult, but now you know, it must be a great help.

    1. Yes it’s a great relief to understand, but still not an easy side of the Cerebral Palsy scenario to deal with. I get by but it’s often other people’s lack of understanding that makes it more difficult for me.

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