My struggles with SPD

Out of everything I deal with, my senses bother me the most. Unless I find a resolve quickly on a particular issue, I usually have to quickly remove the issue so that it doesn’t leave me panicked, anxious and living in fear.

The same thing can happen around change. Although I am good with change, certain changes, which seem relatively little to someone else, can bring about problems through sensory processing issues.

Sadly, since Sensory Processing Disorder is something I will have to live and deal with for the rest of my life, it’s important I continue to find ways to manage the condition. With Sensory Processing Disorder, one size certainly doesn’t fit all.

The more I read, the more I find out about what I deal with. In my next blog on SPD, I will explore in more detail my sensory processing symptoms.

27 Aug, 2017

4 thoughts on “My struggles with SPD

  1. People who don’t have this issue, obviously won’t get it, which I’m sure is very difficult. I have come to compare explaining any one of my issues to people, is like trying to teach rocket science to monkeys. They are just never going to get it.

    In your case, the Sensory Processing Disorder was caused by a biological issue, whereas mine was caused by a childhood full of Jedi mind tricks, trying to convince me to ignore the herd of elephants in the living room. (People like to joke about having just one, but we had the whole damn herd!)

    This is why I like to half-jokingly say that my mom should have worked for the CIA, considering how great she was at brainwashing. What kind of parent knowingly does this to their own children?

    Needless to say,now that you describe what you go through, things make so much more sense now. People love to say things like don’t worry, be Happy, like my girlfriend, but that just isn’t an option for me.

    My mind will fixate on an issue, like making sure there’s oil in the motor, whereas my people like my girlfriend, just don’t concern themselves with it and the motor seizes.

    My siblings and I had to worry about things like that, seeing as our parents usually didn’t. You end up running 100 scenarios through your mind at any given time, seeing as any mistakes would mean things like going hungry or not having basics like toilet paper.

    My point being that we grew up in a world where my parents were either totally ignoring the problem, or trying to force us to believe what they believed, even when it meant ignoring the obvious truth.

    They created this monster that I became and even then refused to admit to anything or even acknowledge that anything was their fault. It was kind of like dealing with the people from the movie I watched last night, who fought to prove that the Holocaust never happened even with a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

    What it comes down to is the fact that I have to work on deprogramming myself like they do with former cult members, to retrain my brain hopefully into seeing things as they really are and process the information.

    I even feel so very guilty for saying that I can relate to your condition, but I know it’s better than someone who says things like ‘I understand.’ when you know that they can’t even begin to comprehend what you have to deal with.

    We both have a lot of work to do that people really won’t get.

    1. Thanks Randy, it’s sad that you can resonate because I wouldn’t want you to have gone through what you went through as a child.

      I know that in my own mind as a child, I used to play things out separately. I would have two pictures in my head. The picture in front of me and the picture that I knew was right; so I never honed in on the negativity for want of a better word.

      Although it’s not always easy, as we unconsciously accept our experiences, it’s important we consciously re-write our experiences to understand our unconscious experiences, so that we get to think differently about our lives.

      I don’t know about you, but it used to bother me that those close to me didn’t make the effort to get to know what my difficulties were, particularly around my sensory issues, but it doesn’t bother me at all now.

      To a certain degree we have to just get on with our lives. The people who care will show you Randy. It could be you have close friends that care more and that’s fine.

      We can’t continue to wish for the things that can never be. We have to go with what’s being presented and make do with what we’ve got. If we’re not happy with that then we have to work to change that too.

      I understand your struggles Randy. I understand your experiences and can resonate and am happy to go with that. It’s up to others to want to understand you and go with that too.

      Sadly, if that’s not happening, you have to change the way you think about what’s happening and move on.

  2. As with everything else you have found out on your journey of self-discovery, I am sure your positivity coupled with an increased understanding, will help you swim against the tide that you were left in by those who should have known better.

    Hopefully greater understanding will also bring you and others peace and compassion for what you deal with.

    1. I’m not sure about the greater understanding bringing others peace and compassion for what I deal with. Sadly, I’ve had to fit into other people’s lives. They’ve never wanted to know or ask about what I deal with.

      My blogs highlight my thoughts, feelings and experiences on what I deal with, so things are clearer for me now, but growing up no one wanted to know.

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Ilana x