My thoughts yesterday

I wanted yesterday to end. Truth be known, I didn’t want it to start. I didn’t want to have to deal with my day. That wasn’t going to happen.

I needed those around me to work from the same page and that wasn’t happening either. It sounds ideal, we have a problem we all help sort the problem out. The reality is that life isn’t always as easy as that and were not always equipped.

For that split second I couldn’t focus, let alone move forward with my thoughts. I just didn’t seem to be able to find the motivation in me. I had a psychological wall build up in front of me. Things began to seem more daunting as the day wore on. I wanted to hibernate, hide away from things. I wanted a different life.

It’s amazing how the mind builds such powerful associations between places and how we feel in those places. Being happy and productive doesn’t change the way we feel, but being frustrated, unhappy and unproductive usually means we begin to associate those feelings with the place where we felt all those things. I didn’t want to be where I was.

I should have gone for a walk to clear my head, but I just couldn’t move. I began to talk my thoughts out, then I took some quiet time for myself reflecting on where I was. By the time evening came, the wall began to crumble.

I’ve woken up this morning to very different feelings. I feel calm again.

10 May, 2012

2 thoughts on “My thoughts yesterday

  1. It sounds like you had a lot going on that hasn’t come to a resolution. I know it can be very frustrating to be in that position when you feel like nothing is going your way.

    I definitely can understand how paralysing it can be since I’ve had to deal with such deep bouts of depression for most of my life.

    Hopefully things will get better for you very soon.

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