We all have to lose a parent, that’s a given but looking back at what I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 years, I can’t believe my father is now terminally ill.
I had a problem watching my mother struggle with her health before she died, so may have a problem watching my father struggle too, before he goes. Ever since I was small, I have struggled to cope around illness and death.
I know that when the time comes I will be upset. I know 5 years ago when my mother died I felt the same way, although it felt slightly scarier, because it was the first time.
As children we may think our parents will be around forever to support us. Having a parent helps us not think about our own mortality. It’s a scary thought for me knowing that I may not have either parent now.
In terms of support I will continue to emotionally support myself. Being able to speak to my parents about my disability may never happen now. That has potentially gone now and will go permanently when my father passes.
I have already reconciled that I only found at 46 that I had cerebral palsy. Being able to write about my thoughts through my site has brought me more closure than I had. As far as my disability is concerned, my life was never going to be any different. I have to accept that.
This couldn’t have come at a worst time, after having such a tough time, but then we can’t always determine with others, what may happen and when. All I can do is work through this the best I can and like everything I turn my hand to, keep going.