We all have to lose a parent, that’s a given but looking back at what I’ve had to deal with in the last 5 years, I cannot believe that my father is now terminally ill.
I had a problem watching my mother struggle with her health before she died, so will probably have a problem watching my father struggle too before he goes. Ever since I was a child I have struggled to cope around illness and death. He had been diagnosed with Lymphoma a few weeks ago, but was told that at 83 years old, the Lymphoma wouldn’t kill him.
He would go on to live his life normally with no problems at all, then last week he was told that the cancer had spread. A tumour that was 2 cm had just become 10 cm. I know that when the time comes I will be upset. I know 5 years ago when my mother died I felt the same way, although it felt slightly scarier, because it was the first time.
As children we tend to think our parents will be around forever to support and look after us. Having a parent whether you have the support from them is still a safety net. As good or as bad as they may be, they are still parents that doesn’t change. It’s a scary thought for me knowing that I may not have either parent now.
In terms of support I will continue to emotionally support myself. Being able to speak to my parents now about my Cerebral Palsy may now never happen. That has gone now and will go permanently when my father passes.
I have already reconciled that I only found at 46 that I had Cerebral Palsy. Being able to write about my thoughts through my site has brought me more closure than I had. As far as Cerebral Palsy is concerned, my life was never going to be any different. I have to try and accept that.
Of course this couldn’t have come at a worst time, after having such a tough time, but then we cannot always determine what happens and when. All I can do is work through this the best I can and like everything I turn my hand to, keep going.