Daily, the hardest thing I need to face is the traffic jam in my head. Thinking about going back into old situations can set alarm bells ringing at the mere thought.
Telling myself things will be okay, doesn’t make those things okay. If I can’t make things okay, I tend to have to walk away, or find an alternative that feels better than the situation I’m trying to work out or fit into. It’s easy to feel out of my depth that can happen within seconds, with no warning at all.
Most situations would fit for people with normal thinking, with my neurological disorder, it makes it that little bit harder, things hardly ever fit, unless the issue is straight forward enough, or I have a resolve on it.
It would be like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. I tend to have to be on my guard all the time and that makes dealing with issues and my emotions difficult.
Sadly, other people’s lack of understanding of my reactions can sometimes bring about a nervous tension for me. Struggling with social situations and a traffic jam in my head is something I’ve always had to deal with.
For others, these issues probably aren’t on the radar, but for me they’re always on the radar and not always easily sorted, unless I have complete understanding and even with the understanding, it’s got to feel and look right. Not everyone will understand or grasp that concept.
I always hope that others will understand. Of course, even if one door closes because I’m not sure about it and another door opens that’s okay; but what’s through the new door still needs to look and feel right for everything to feel normal and fit into place.
As always it’s not easy to manoeuvre myself through the traffic jam. I tend to have to think things through thoroughly before making any decisions, so that things feel and look right.