My unresolved issue

My life has always been up and down dealing with a physical disability over the years. Dealing with a physical, mental and emotional disability meant that I would always have to work through different problems in my life.

How I deal with a close one around a terminal illness around my disability, will leave me with thoughts and uncertainties. I still have uncertainties because of this one unresolved issue, my disability.

Having lost one parent already and the other now terminally ill, brings more thoughts for me on what I have had to deal with, all these years growing up with a physical disability and not knowing about it.

Yesterday my thoughts went straight to what I still have to deal with and how I feel about it all.  It is important to be able to talk about what we deal with, with our parents, and as a family.

I have had to support myself over the years trying to find some sort of level of acceptance on my disability. Now it really is a scary thought knowing that I may never be able to talk this one out.

With one of my parent’s still around, I always thought there may be a chance or opportunity for me to talk about my disability and how it was for me growing up. I’m not giving up on that.

20 May, 2012

4 thoughts on “My unresolved issue

  1. I always thought I would one day have a chance to talk with my parents about what my childhood was like, but my mother ended up with dementia and my father always blamed my mother for everything.

    I can definitely understand how frustrating and disappointing it can feel when you aren’t able to really get a sense of closure.

    I’m hoping and praying that someday I will be able to move beyond my hard feelings and be OK with what happened.

    1. I feel what you feel Randy. I think acceptance or closure, although sometimes in our reach isn’t always. It always depends on the circumstances and whether we can provide the right moments.

      From my experience, if issues aren’t addressed by a parent or parents in early childhood, I doubt that it will ever happen.

      Acceptance has to and needs to come from us, however we are able to achieve it without the help of our parents, so that we are OK about things.

  2. I’ve tried discussing how I felt growing up and all that I missed out on because my parents were so protective of me, but my mom won’t discuss it and my dad’s gone.

    I think my father felt guilty for something but I’ll never know what.

    1. Ditto Lisa, but I have my problem the other way around. With my mother gone, my father won’t discuss my CP with me.

      I believe my father carries guilt for me having CP in the first place. It may be that with your medical problems as a child, your father felt the same with you as my father did with me.

      I believe you have your answer there.

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