My version of autism

Having been diagnosed with Autism in 2019, this is my version of autism. My core symptoms are anxiety and fear, restricted repetitive behaviours, sensory issues including over-sensitivities to sounds, touch, smells and pain.

Autism combined with cerebral palsy means I have daily mental health challenges. I also have difficulty with making eye contact, gestures, tone of voice, verbal communication, facial expressions, expressions not to be taken literally.

I also struggle with seeking emotional comfort from others, taking in and acknowledging conversations that over the years has got me into trouble. I have got better at expressing my emotions verbally, but on paper I have no problems at all.

Through my intuition, I have also got better at recognising my emotions, and other people’s intentions. Dealing with anxiety on a regular basis, means I still struggle with feeling overwhelmed around issues I have no control over.

Although autism isn’t always attached to a primary condition such as cerebral palsy, my autism is because of cerebral palsy. I have always had mental and emotional struggles. Now I am aware, I’m really not sure what to think.


4 Mar, 2020

4 thoughts on “My version of autism

  1. Yes, being aware of your issues doesn’t always make it any easier to be able to deal with them like people seem to think.

    Just because I am aware of my mental health issues doesn’t mean I always know how to deal with them, also. I’m a lot better at dealing with and understanding other people’s issues which started off naturally, but is a result of being brainwashed as a child to be that way by my parents.

    I was in contact with my niece for many years and she has autism, so I’m well aware of the issues and how to handle them. The biggest problem I face is not being able to deal with my own emotions, seeing as I was forced to dissociate from them over the years.

    It would great for me to connect with my feelings and therefore myself.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes disassociation is something we do to help protect ourselves from being hurt. I have done it myself.

      I understand why you continue to disassociate in part when things get too difficult. It’s what you’ve known to do, it’s what you’re probably comfortable with, and not something you’re consciously aware of.

      But no matter what we get to deal with, and you’re right it’s always easier helping others deal with what they get to deal with, than work on our own issues.

      Helping others and reaching out, takes us out of ourselves and our own set of circumstances and that’s fine, but we also have to be able to deal and help ourselves. We are less helpful to others in the longer term, when we’re struggling with ourselves.

      As I have proved to myself, it’s important we deal with our issues if we are to move forward in our lives and find success.

  2. I believe that every disability you have is permanently disabled by the star in you, although it’s stormy sometimes. Nevertheless, you’re neck deep in success right now, I’m eating ice cream and cookies because of it.

    Autism is your gift, perhaps you’ll reveal that in any forthcoming book.

    1. Thanks Tim. I agree. I love my autism. It’s made me who I am. The irony is that I only ever wanted to know was what was wrong with me, to put a diagnosis to a physical issue.

      The truth is universe has a way of helping us out, I wasn’t looking for what I have now with my success. The truth is success found me.

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