I’ve had to make a conscious effort over the years not to carry over my parents’ issues to raise me as normal. As far as they were concerned I was the same as my siblings, so nothing was ever addressed. But the reality for me was that I wasn’t born normal, I was born with special needs. They needed to address those needs.
As a child growing up with special needs, I needed to fit into my version of normal. I am however, getting better at working from my own perceptions and not owning the feelings of guilt being brought about by family expecting me to work around them and simply ignoring what I had to deal with.
I am who I am and will never make any excuses for who I am. I also choose not to excuse myself on the things I can’t do. It’s up to those others to accept that. I merely sing to my own tune in the hope others will fall into line with what I can do and who I am.
Sadly, by living a lie all my life, I’ve had to conform to a different version of normal that in my world was not normal for me. Living with others, whose perceptions of normal when they knew things weren’t, with no thought has left its mark. How do you reconcile that, with no thought process given to how I would emotionally and physically cope?
The biggest thing I’ve had to endure over the years is the misunderstandings, the arguments and the blame directed at me because I already had the anger issues; instead of those others addressing their own issues and also addressing the presenting issues that could have made my life easier.
Although I am stronger now, this was never about me. I’ve simply got past the point of caring. Instead, I live my version of normal and that’s fine, whether others close to me are okay with it or not.