NO Rose Coloured Spectacles

I have never looked on, or looked back on my childhood or disability, with rose coloured spectacles. It wasn’t that kind of childhood.

There were too many issues around a disability I didn’t know I had, and not being aware of what my disability was, or what it entailed around my presenting co-existing medical conditions and having to work through my childhood and through those myself, meant the spectacles would always be off.

Although it was never my early intention to write, as soon as I found out about my disability at the age of 46, it became clear that without being able to write about my disability in its entirety in a self-contained place, I would never know about my disability and would have had to go to the grave not knowing about me, my challenges, or my disability at all.

Not knowing and not having had the tools as a child to understand my disability or how to deal with it mentally or emotionally, means the reality now in Covid, is that I am not equipped to deal with it.

I am pleased I chose not to shy away from it though. Just being able to say, ‘that explains what I struggled with as a child, oh so that’s what that means,’ over the years has helped me continue to piece the jigsaw pieces together.

It is exactly what I needed. It doesn’t take away the fact that I was left in the dark, having to deal with a disability and without having the tools to understand. Now in a pandemic, just mentally trying to adjust is difficult.

Anyone dealing with a disability has to be able to function mentally. With help we may function better. With a 70% mental disability and in a pandemic, I may struggle to do that.

21 Jan, 2021

2 thoughts on “NO Rose Coloured Spectacles

  1. You have shown and continue to show us through this blog that you took responsibility for yourself.

    You knew something wasn’t right, but that didn’t stop you wanting to know, wanting to find out everything you needed to, in order to start the healing process.

    You ‘put your house in order’ as we must all do the same. As you have also shown, being responsible for our words and actions also means giving ourselves the respect we deserve.

    1. Thanks. Yes, the most important thing we can do is give ourselves the respect. I agree that without a diagnosis and an understanding of my disability, I could or never would heal.

      But no matter our lives, or what we deal with, we must take responsibility for ourselves. Wishing or hoping our lives will change, won’t change what we have, unless we change.

      We get one crack at the life thing. Responsibility is key to taking control. Even though I didn’t start off with an understanding, I was still aware things weren’t right.

      When I was finally able, I took control and responsibility and couldn’t be happier with my achievements. We must rely on ourselves and take responsibility. That is solely on us.

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