It’s hard to imagine how not knowing something can give you hope. I lived with hope, hope to believe that through a miracle I would get better and that whatever was wrong with me would miraculously right itself.
I continued to believe that what I was dealing with was only temporary and that with each passing day through exercise, physically I would heal. Looking back, so many internal thoughts, although conflicting, clearly saved me.
The irony is that through countless foot exercises with my mum, I knew my foot wasn’t going to heal, but I saw my other issues as challenges to be met and that I could heal, but I’m not sure why because the analogy would always have been the same. If my foot wouldn’t heal and I knew it wouldn’t, then neither would my other physical issues.
Perhaps spirit was trying to protect me. Perhaps also where no else was asking or answering my questions, part of me wasn’t quite willing to give up on myself and that because I didn’t know and I never understood what was wrong, I continued to live in hope that one day my physical issues would be a thing of the past. As a child those thoughts remained my primary focus.
If I had given up, I wouldn’t have stayed determined to find out what was wrong and I wouldn’t be here now with my site or my blogs. Even if we do know what’s wrong, it’s important we continue to live with hope. It’s easy to throw in the towel, but giving up for me would have been defeatist. Those who put us there would have won.
It’s also telling the world that we don’t care enough about ourselves to want to evolve, to learn, to grow, to change. We owe it to ourselves to do all of those things. It doesn’t change how we get to where we are, but it allows us to move forward in a much better head space.
We owe it to ourselves to change the way we see and deal with what we have to deal with. We get one crack at the life thing, there’s no going back and we’re too important not to want to do the best for ourselves.