Being kept in the dark well into my forties continues to gnaw at me, particularly as I’ve had to work through my symptoms on my own. Now finding out that I have 12 years of medical records missing is adding to that.
It’s reinforcing what I’ve had to deal with and is having a bearing on how I feel. It’s bad enough when any parent is self-absorbed, but add a disability and you’re looking at a whole new ballgame. When we’re born into a family that wants the best for us, whatever struggles we have, those struggles will always be made easier.
Perhaps I need to remember that our lives are mapped out from the minute we’re born and that I chose this life. We will spend most of our lives wishing our lives were different, but all that does is tie us into a spiral of negativity. Perhaps it’s not always about the circumstances, but the life mapped out that we’re was supposed to hone-in on.
Life has a way of working out how it’s supposed to, but because we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves, we fail to see, or change anything. I can see the merit to the life I’ve lived. Whatever our life, or where we’ve come from, we have a choice to either stay as we are, or work to change things.
As I see it, our all too familiar life can continue to stay familiar, or we can choose to mix things up a little and change certain aspects of it where we can.