Our need to prove

We spend a lifetime trying to prove to our parents that we’re worthy. We spend a lifetime trying to live up to our parents’ expectations. We spend a lifetime trying to show them we’re capable, that we’re responsible that we can make something of ourselves.

Sadly, parents will have their own expectations and opinions, which they will pass on to their children, as their parents did with them. My father had only one expectation that I get married. I believe having Cerebral Palsy saved me. I never personally felt the need to have to prove myself, although my siblings did.

I believe it’s important that parents allow their children to develop independently, so they can begin to make their own choices. When parents expect their children to act or be a certain way, the pressure is on for that child to conform. The irony is that we let our children down, just by not allowing them to be who they are meant to be.

In terms of education, children with educated parents feel they have to prove they are worthy, so they meet expectations, but the reality is, it’s far more important for children to be balanced and happy individuals first. Of course, we need children to be educated, but once a child’s education is complete, they need to be able to get on in their lives, in the world. An education without a balanced outlook can be soul destroying.

This has been my priority with my own children. My children will never have to prove themselves to me, but they will have to prove their worth to themselves.


26 Jan, 2015

6 thoughts on “Our need to prove

  1. Wow, I was trying to put that into words as far as what to tell my daughter and what you said at the end really fit!

    I’ve just wanted her to be able to get out in the world even with her CP, so she doesn’t miss out on what life has to offer. I had thought this move would have been a good thing for her, but it hasn’t done her much good over the past 4 years to be stuck at home most of the time!

    It should have dawned on me that her mother would continue her sedentary lifestyle without much consideration for our daughter. “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” is what she deserves the chance to do!

    My parents eventually gave me the impression that nothing I could ever do would impress them, so obviously I ended up feeling as, “Why even bother?” Only after what I have been through, do I have an understanding of the issues they had to deal with and the reality is that they should have never had children!

    My daughter only knows about 10% of what I went through and I don’t know if she could handle the rest! She has had many of her own struggles so I may underestimate her ability to comprehend, but we may have to have a very long conversation about a few things!

    1. Thanks Randy! I’m not sure our children always need to know what we go through, unless of course something is being said to them, that doesn’t concur with our own thoughts on what we had to deal with.

      In some cases, telling children of our struggles could cloud their judgment on us for speaking out against their grandparents. It sounds as though from what you say Randy, your daughter doesn’t have to prove herself to you at all. All that you want for her is her happiness, which is exactly what a parent should want for his child.

      We cannot change our life with our parents of course, but we can help change the life of our child.

  2. I always felt the need to prove myself to my parents because they never showed me they had any expectations of me. Nothing!

    Today even though they are now gone I feel the need to succeed in life and prove to others I can succeed.

    My children know whats expected of them and what’s not. Mostly I want them to be happy and they know that also.

    1. That’s a shame Lisa. I can resonate with you and know how you feel. You’re proving now you can succeed. That’s what matters.

  3. My parents didn’t expect much from me. They never told me this, but I heard them saying that I would probably never get married and would be with them most of my life.

    They were apprehensive when I let them know of my desire to get married. In some ways I felt like I needed to prove to them that I was able to live a normal life.

    1. You’ve proved your intentions beautifully and you should be proud of yourself Maria. A disability doesn’t always have to mean we’re incapable. I think there is still too much ignorance about disability and that lends itself to negative thoughts about our abilities.

      I’ve had it too, but all parents should be bound by an element of care when it comes to raising their children, it doesn’t matter the circumstances. Believe your children can and they will and they will go on to do positive things.

      I’m not sure all parents believe in their children and their abilities. It’s sad but true for many children.

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