I know hand on heart that if it wasn’t for my thoughts and bringing clarity on those thoughts, I’d be in a worse off emotional place. My thoughts on my experiences, together with my writing and my Diary have kept me grounded.
I was swept along by a crust of a wave, with decisions that were made for me. Those decisions weren’t the run of the mill small decisions either that served to change nothing. The decisions that were made for me would take me down a different path, to the ones I might have chosen for myself.
Expectations on how I was supposed to live my life were placed on me from a very early age. There was no mediation on that. I wasn’t expected to have ambitions, I was solely expected to get married. That would replace university, choices about travel, meeting new people, moving home and becoming independent for the first time.
All of those things were options for someone else. There weren’t any discussions. It’s also wasn’t an option for me to make my own decision on when I got married. I was expected to fall into line, follow in another sibling’s footsteps, whether those footsteps were right for me or not. The relationship was immaterial it was all about the duration.
It was something expected, anticipated. I was to fall into line. I am not sure how that sounds, or whether it sounds credulous that I would have allowed those things to happen, but they were completely out of my control.
It was one person’s control that would change my path.