Parents & trust

5 Jan 2017

Neglect is neglect, whichever way you choose to look at it. I remember a conversation that took place between myself and a Senior Consultant when I went to get my diagnosis, who said that if I had have known about my Cerebral Palsy as a child, I would have had to wear callipers and I would have been put in a special school for children with learning difficulties.

Whilst I believe there is truth in what he said, I hope that my parents would have fought my corner if that had been the case. I shall never know, because my life didn’t turn out that way. Perhaps it’s not that I didn’t get to find out that’s bothering me, it’s the lack of trust around the not knowing that I struggle with more.

A relationship between a parent and child are based on trust, it’s what all relationships are based on. Trust, a little word with a big impact that makes us feel loved, makes us feel worthy and cared for. A word that signifies to the child that as their parent, we will do our best no matter what and because that child trusts us.

After all these years, I need to choose a different thinking that serves me better. Perhaps I didn’t get to find out because I wouldn’t be writing for and running The CP Diary now.

4 Responses to “Parents & trust”

Post a Comment
  1. Randy 05. Jan, 2017 at 4:39 pm #

    Yes, my parents were very neglectful and I learned very early on that I wasn’t able to trust them to be the parents we needed.

    My older siblings turned out to be better parents than them and probably the only reason I survived through a good part of my childhood. I hate to even imagine what it would have been like if any of us would have had issues like Cerebral Palsy since we wouldn’t have ever received the treatment we needed.

    They probably wouldn’t have told us about it either, which I think only added insult to injury in your case. I’m sure you often wonder what could have been as much as I do, but sadly the past can’t be changed so we have to deal with the now.

    • Ilana 05. Jan, 2017 at 4:52 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, we’re definitely on the same wavelength and page.

      Looking at the bigger picture, I believe my life would never have been any different; but now my site is making it easier for me to find an acceptance. I need to continue to focus on this being the most positive part of my experiences and the reason why I didn’t get to know.

      It’s easy to get sidetracked and deflated. It doesn’t take away the facts of course. As you say the past cannot be changed, so we have to deal with the now.

      My site is the most positive thing to come out of my life and it’s not just me benefiting, so I’m happy.

  2. Tim 05. Jan, 2017 at 7:07 pm #

    You expect your parents to protect you. This means to respond mindfully to your emotional and physical needs, in an effort to reduce the amount of pain later in life; you obviously didn’t get that.

    But you write to avoid suppressing your anger and to avoid being consumed by it. In other words, you have found a way to balance what happened to you with better experiences.

    • Ilana 05. Jan, 2017 at 7:27 pm #

      Thanks Tim. You’ve summed up your response beautifully; thank you. Yes, I have found a way to balance what happened to me with better experiences. The CP Diary is the better experience.

      I need to keep building on that. It’s doing me the world of good, whilst helping and supporting others too. We support each other.

Leave a Reply