As people pleasers, our appearance to those who know us will be seen as considerate and courteous.
We may act like a team player, someone who is supportive and helpful in times of need. We’re usually happy to go along with other people’s request, partly because we care and partly because we don’t want to let anyone down.
Outwardly, we may be all of these things, but inwardly our lives may tell a different story. People pleasers may have little self-confidence with no personal identity. We may let go of our identity when we start to please others. We may feel inferior and consequently may choose to avoid opportunities to socialise.
As a pleasing child and as I continued to people please, I began to feel bad when I turned anyone down. But it’s a habit that if not addressed can spiral into a lifetime of regrets, never having thought about, or achieving anything for ourselves.
Now as the adult, I continue to please other people, but I never lose sight or do it at the cost of my own needs, or life. As the child, with a disability, I pleased others. I have learned through painful experiences why it is important not to people please.
For those of us who may people please, it is important to remember it’s okay to please others, but it it important to please ourselves first.