Picking fights

I am sure we’ve all had our days where if someone so much as glances at us in the wrong way, we’ll turn and pick a fight, be less than gracious or unreasonable on comments that are probably completely reasonable. Sound familiar?

We also usually know when we’re to blame for picking a fight, or when our feelings are a consequence of someone else giving us a hard time, but perhaps it’s not always clear for everyone. It’s no excuse of course, but it will go some way to helping the other person understand, so long as we’re being open and honest about it.

I now know that my physical problems as a child were the catalyst of my picking fights. As the adult now I can see that, but as the child I had no clear understanding. But picking a fight isn’t a conscious thing and nine times out of ten, we don’t know when it’s about to happen.

Life, stress, family and work tend to play their part and will sometimes get in the way of how we feel about ourselves. When we’re having a hard time, we tend to play that out somewhere else and on someone else.

So how do you turn things around?

Consciously try as much as you can to work on your triggers. Take a step back and focus on yourself for a little while, that always helps. If you know you clash with someone, take time out, away from that person. It may be the person you spend so much time with has become a trigger for you.

Try to work on both the source of your anger and your feelings. Read a book, go for a walk or take up a hobby; writing a journal may also help. So, the next time you’re unhappy and you pick a fight with someone, remember the fight is often with you, but you won’t always know why.


12 Sep, 2012

4 thoughts on “Picking fights

  1. Good post and obviously written from your personal experience.

    I think in your case, starting this site has been the best way for you to express your feelings instead of feeling the need to pick fights. I wonder if family who you used to fight with have noticed any changes?

    1. All of my blogs are written from my own personal experiences; whether those experiences are from the past or the present time.

      The CP Diary has very much given me an outlet to express myself. As a child I had a tendency to pick fights, which came in through me struggling so much to cope with what I was dealing with. I think I have mentioned that in my blog. As the adult I use expression instead.

      My father has told me that he knew that I was a kind, caring and considerate person. that inner-part of me has never changed. He still maintains those thoughts to this day. I’m not sure what the rest of the family think.

      People move on and people can change. I am not the girl I used to be all those years ago. I hope my family see that.

  2. Good post.

    I try not to have fights. I will shy away from them if I can. I do have arguments though.

    With my first marriage I would get into fights with my husband and they ended badly for me a few times, but I never won any of them because, I would just give up and move on to something else.

    1. I think to some extent Lisa that’s the best thing to do. The person arguing cannot argue with themselves!

      It’s never worse the stress to continue in any event. I think you did the right thing.

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