I am sure we’ve all had our days where if someone so much as glances at us in the wrong way, we’ll turn and pick a fight, be less than gracious or unreasonable on comments that are probably completely reasonable. Sound familiar?
We also usually know when we’re to blame for picking a fight, or when our feelings are a consequence of someone else giving us a hard time, but perhaps it’s not always clear for everyone. It’s no excuse of course, but it will go some way to helping the other person understand, so long as we’re being open and honest about it.
I now know that my physical problems as a child were the catalyst of my picking fights. As the adult now I can see that, but as the child I had no clear understanding. But picking a fight isn’t a conscious thing and nine times out of ten, we don’t know when it’s about to happen.
Life, stress, family and work tend to play their part and will sometimes get in the way of how we feel about ourselves. When we’re having a hard time, we tend to play that out somewhere else and on someone else.
So how do you turn things around?
Consciously try as much as you can to work on your triggers. Take a step back and focus on yourself for a little while, that always helps. If you know you clash with someone, take time out, away from that person. It may be the person you spend so much time with has become a trigger for you.
Try to work on both the source of your anger and your feelings. Read a book, go for a walk or take up a hobby; writing a journal may also help. So, the next time you’re unhappy and you pick a fight with someone, remember the fight is often with you, but you won’t always know why.