Put yourself first

As a child, I cared about everyone and everything, regardless of whether others cared about me. I cared about what other people thought about me, so much so that my decisions were influenced by their suggestions, even though their suggestions were never right for me.

My thoughts weren’t my own. I’d speak and say things to please and gave no consideration to my own inner voice. I cared too much about being politically correct. In hindsight, I should have stopped caring about what was politically correct and thought about myself more.

Stop caring about your boundaries so much. There will always be those who insist that what we’re trying to do is impossible. Begin to follow your own intuition; try what you want to try. Your limitations are other people’s limitations of themselves. Stop caring about the things you can’t control and adjust your life accordingly.

Some circumstances will sometimes be beyond your control, whilst other circumstances will be there for you to sort out. Accept that things happen. Change how you perceive and react to those situations, so that you can sort out the things within your control and reach.

Stop caring about the mistakes you make. Mistakes teach us important lessons about life and about ourselves. The biggest mistake most of us make is doing nothing because we’re afraid we’ll make mistakes.

Finally, you will know when it’s right to care for others because they care about you; in the same way, as you care about them. You will also know when it’s right to stop caring, because your efforts are not reciprocal.


25 Apr, 2012

8 thoughts on “Put yourself first

  1. Great post. You’ve obviously had a lot of personal experience about this!

    It’s nice when the people you care about show that they care too. I have certainly learned to take a step back and look at relationships and have changed things when it’s obvious I’m doing all the running.

  2. I care about people regardless of whether they care about me or not. That’s just my nature.

    I would feel selfish if I said I don’t care about you cause you don’t care about me. This was how I was raised.

    I was taught to forgive people whether they deserved it or not. I guess all of us grow up differently and what is right for one person isn’t always right for another.

    1. I understand your sentiments Lisa. Being around the same age as you my mother parented me the same way. There comes a time depending on how others behave towards us, where we have to make decisions to protect ourselves from getting hurt.

      If someone cares for you and their actions show they care, there’s nothing wrong with caring back, that is to be embraced, but that’s not always the case. There are those who care from a distance which isn’t the same thing. Actions speak louder than words as my mum would say.

      We all have to do what’s right for us. If how your parents raised you still works for you then that’s fine. My experiences are completely different.

  3. I love this post!! I still have difficulty sorting through what my own thoughts, decisions and opinions are and what are others. I care a lot for people too that I put my own needs last.

    I’m beginning to take myself to the doctor more then before and buying things I need instead of putting it off, which is so natural for me to do.

    1. There’s nothing wrong with being selfless towards others Bonnie, but we do need to bring our own needs back into that equation because we matter too!

      We can do both and do both well. I am a firm believer that the more settled we are, because we’re putting our own needs first; the better people will be outside of that scenario.

      You’re proving it, but neglecting your own needs to do it, isn’t the way and will be counterproductive in the longer term.

  4. Thank you Ilana! Yes at my old age, I’m now opening my eyes to see that. My mother never put herself first, so it’s no wonder I do the same.

    Just getting my hair done makes me feel guilty sometimes.

    1. Yes, we learn everything we know through our parents. Perhaps the next time you go to get your hair done, tell yourself you deserve to have your hair done. An hour out of your week whilst looking after your family full time, is an hour deserved and well spent. It’s me time and we all need that.

      If your family get time out, so should you. Perhaps you need to change your perceptions on that one Bonnie. You’re entitled to time out. It makes us a better more tolerant parent, when we’ve had some time out.

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