Redressing the balance

I don’t think I’d ever got over my education at that point. Emotionally I was still struggling with the fact that I felt I had failed in school. I couldn’t emotionally move on because no one else was owning up to being responsible, so I continued to carry the guilt.

I had already thrown my school reports away because it hurt to read them and that added to my guilt. It would go on to take me another 26 years to do something about it. At the age of 44 I went back to study, but this time I chose a course I had an interest in that would allow me to try to excel.

I also chose distance learning because it was something I felt I could tackle and it worked. I had tutors I could call on, but by that time I had already learned how to work from my intuition and didn’t feel I needed them. I couldn’t study full time because my concentration was poor, so I studied a little each day and that seemed to work. I was making headway for the first time. It felt good.

I have now gone on to complete three on line accredited Diploma courses and passed each course with a Distinction. I have put my success down to a culmination of being able to work from my intuition, working at my own pace and not putting myself under too much pressure. All three courses needed to be completed within 2 years.

Because I had grown in confidence and had begun to understand my life a little more, I felt it was the right time for me to physically do something to change parts of my past. I couldn’t emotionally move on without it, perhaps that’s why I kept going back to thoughts around school. This was to be my first ever change.

I consider that finding out about myself and what I was dealing with and starting The CP Diary are part of my personal success.

Having finished working in the City, I then set up my own secretarial business putting my office and admin skills to good use. I did that for a couple of years and I am pleased to say it was enormously successful.


8 Mar, 2018

2 thoughts on “Redressing the balance

  1. By going back to successfully study you have proved to yourself and others that your school years were not your responsibility.

    Distance learning is not easy and you have to be committed, dedicated and capable of studying that way. Having tried and given up, I know that form of study is not for me.

    I am pleased that you have ‘redressed the balance’ on that and other things and hope that those responsible can see now that the responsibility was not yours to own in the first place.

    1. Thank you. Your response brings me comfort where I had none.

      It’s taken me many years to be able to ‘redress the balance.’ It wasn’t something I wasn’t going to address, but emotionally we have to be up to it.

      Our circumstances to some degree also have to change. A secret up to the point where my mum sadly found out she was terminally ill gave me a snippet of her own difficulties around my birth and that was my open door.

      I have my mum to thank. I believe although she couldn’t say, she wanted me to know. Now telling ‘My Story’ although long overdue, needs to be told.

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