Relationship mistakes

When we look back through the generations, starting with our generation, our parents’ generation and their parents’ generation, we often see patterns forming in those relationships. From what I know, the following can be some of our biggest relationship mistakes.

When one partner is more committed and puts more time and effort into making the relationship work and the other doesn’t; it’s time to make sure you’re both on the same page and talk about how you feel. If you’re not committed to the relationship, dig deep to find out why. There’s usually a reason for it.

We make mistakes when we base our own relationships on other people’s lives and making their mistakes. Our lives are our lives, our decisions should be ours, not that of someone else. We should be working on living our own lives, concentrating on making less mistakes.

The root of any relationship is friendship, because without being friends first, the relationship will soon fizzle out when it’s run its course. Friends don’t usually argue; instead they will always try to reach a compromise. Having to battle out an argument can make any relationship difficult, not to mention impossible. Be friends first.

Don’t assume you know how the other person feels, without really knowing. Get to know the other person, what makes them who they are and when you do, remember to use empathy. All relationships should be based on empathy. Empathy shows we care for the other person.

Don’t intentionally go out to hurt the other person because you’re angry or fed up. Usually the problem is with us, not the other person. It’s easy to let rip. If the shoe were on the other foot and we were on the receiving end, we’d soon refrain from intentionally hurting the other person.

Be honest and open about what you’re dealing with and don’t pretend that all is right with the world, when it clearly isn’t. Your partner needs to know. Not being open in any relationship will impact that relationship and can cause arguments. It’s always better to be straight. If you care enough that’s what’ll you want to do. Say what you feel.

Finally, don’t assume your partner works a certain way, because another family member may behave that way. All of us our own person, we should be entitled to be treated as individuals. That part is so important.

16 Jul, 2013

6 thoughts on “Relationship mistakes

  1. I think I’ve made about every relationship mistake that anyone could have made over the years! My biggest one was meeting women who seemed to be damsels in distress who turned out not wanting to really be saved.

    I didn’t exactly grow up with parents who had a healthy normal relationship, so why would I know anything different? If I had only known then what I know now.

    It just amazes me now that I actually am in a decent relationship and she isn’t going to try and kill me when I’m sleeping!

    1. Thanks Randy. I’m sure you’re not the only one whose made mistakes in their relationships! I agree with you though, not seeing your parents as role models because they weren’t role modes, must have made working things out harder for you.

      To some extent I have had that too. As I continued to observe my life to this point I soon worked out how to do things differently. It would be nice for us all to grow in a world where our lives were perfect including our upbringing but sadly that’s not always the case.

      it’s always up to us to change anything we’re not happy with, so that we get to live our lives the way we want to live. You already see how not to do things Randy. You’ve definitely come a long way.

  2. I know I’ve made mistakes with all my relationships. My first marriage I tried to heal my husband but soon discovered I couldn’t do it. He had to do it himself.

    My parents had a good relationship, but it was in a time when women started working outside the home and then had the home life to do too. My father did his part too.

    I think the problems my parents had were mainly due to my father keeping things bottled up and worrying all the time. He kept to himself mostly but he was there if we needed him.

    I think my relationship now is a lot like my parents, except I’m the one that keeps things bottled up and I worry a lot, mostly about nothing.

    My husband and I talk but not a lot about the relationship.

    1. I agree with your thoughts Lisa. Different generations had different things in society to cope with of course, but we’re individuals and have thoughts of our own whether we’re in a culture or not. We don’t have to follow. I haven’t.

      Some of the points I have made will have worked back then too. If many of us were to follow our parents’ example, we’d have some of the same problems they had, with our children too.

      Unfortunately the patterns continue unless we change them.

  3. We make mistakes in all areas of our lives, relationships included. Difficult as this is, it is the best way to learn our lessons. To me the problem really is when we don’t learn from them.

    I’ve often said my parents, in-laws and grandparents have taught me how not to do things and that has been valuable, although on occasion a nightmare at the time!

    1. Yes parents, in-laws and grandparents do teach us how not to do things! Those are my experiences too.

      It’s fine for us to make mistakes but we must ideally learn from them.

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