Remorse

“True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive.”- Mignon McLauglin.

In other words, remorse is when we do something that is calculated, something that we know isn’t right, when we do something intentionally, knowing it’s going to hurt someone or bring someone down.

Unless someone is mentally ill and they don’t know they are, we have probably all felt remorse. Remorse, a deep regret or guilt for something we’ve done, also remorse over something we’re struggling to come to terms with.

Remorse will cement us into negative feelings and memories that can hurt us, or the person we hurt. It is important we think about the gravity of those we hurt. Remorse can also be a psychological downer, because it makes us aware of what we should have done, perhaps done sooner, better and with compassion.

True remorse is difficult to gage because unless someone is genuinely sorry for what they’ve done, you will never know whether they feel remorse. Getting to know the person behind the personality helps.

I felt remorse because I didn’t know about my cerebral palsy and because it took too long to find out. I felt remorse for failing in school thinking I was stupid, others thinking it was just me and not looking at my disability and thinking I should have done better.

I also felt remorse because for a large period of my life, because mentally I didn’t understand what was wrong, remorse for others ignoring the way I presented and making me the scapegoat for many of their issues and blaming myself.


2 Sep, 2019

4 thoughts on “Remorse

  1. Remorse is something that I struggle with on a daily basis, since there were decisions I made, where I should have known better and made different decisions.

    As a child I was made to feel guilty about everything, even when I knew it was wrong. I was also forced to feel remorse for the mistakes that my parents made, when it shouldn’t have been my responsibility.

    I was continually being used as a scapegoat. I find it difficult to comprehend how any parent could do this to their own children but I know it does happen.

    1. Thanks Randy. Reading your response today is like reading my own, just different circumstances.

      I know that as parents have been parented, they go on to parent. It takes an acknowledgement, acceptance and willpower to change how we may go on to parent.

      Remorse is difficult because we don’t always know what we’re feeling is remorse. It is only when we look back that we start to equate what we feel with guilt and then remorse.

      I lived with guilt for many years because of my lack of achievement, particularly in school, but it was the things I failed at that eventually changed guilt into remorse.

      We can always make our lives better, through us understanding our parents and our circumstances. It doesn’t make what’s been done right, but it does help us understand and correct things for our own children.

  2. Your quote at the beginning of your blog is very true. Where do I start?

    I could write a book on remorse never mind a response to a blog, but I also know there is nothing to be gained by looking back with regret that’s negative and doesn’t resolve anything.

    I can’t change anything that has past. It is more helpful for me to look positively at lessons learned and move forward, although it’s bloody difficult all of the time.

    1. Thanks. Yes, you’re absolutely right, already know and understand and have the answers. The hard part is making sure you stay in the moment and let go of your past enough to make a difference in your future, without drawing yourself back in.

      Too many times we get hooked on the things we didn’t get to do, we didn’t get to complete, in other circumstances the things we didn’t get to say, but that can’t help. Instead, we must draw our attention to the things that serve our purpose, the things that will make us better people.

      Those who had control and who are responsible for where we find ourselves will always be responsible and will be held to account. That will never change and it should help us understand and move on.

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