I still find it hard to believe ‘my story’ was my life. It feels too raw. It happened over a period of years, but those years could have been rolled into yesterday, that’s how raw it feels.
Learning how to handle our feelings is challenging. Our reactions depend on the situation and who is involved in that situation. As a child, I didn’t repress my feelings, instead I would explode by negatively expressing myself to those around me, who should have been there to support me.
There were other times when I would emotionally withdraw and build myself a wall, and although it was never a conscious decision for me to retaliate, the nature of withdrawing meant that retaliation would rear its ugly head at some point. My anger as a child was based on my emotions that were repressed and denied. It’s a shame my family couldn’t see that.
But however we get to where we are, it is important we learn to manage our emotions so that our emotions aren’t a breeding ground for irritability and blame. It is important we tune in to our emotions so that we’re aware and pay particular attention to where we’re feeling the emotion.
I would have preferred to have been able to reconcile this with a different thought process from those close to me whose job it was to protect me, but that was never meant to be. It become evident to me early on that I would need to do this on my own.
But one thing is clear, we must use the teachings of our experiences to learn, grow and be in control of our lives.