Do you find it hard to forgive people, who have wronged you? Do you hold on to experiences that hold you back? If the answer to both of those questions is ‘yes,’ you’re dealing with resentment.

It usually comes from the feelings we get, when we feel we’ve been treated unfairly. We hold on to less than positive experiences and as we do, we begin to harbour feelings of resentment. Sadly, when that happens our problems don’t end there. The more we close ranks on our feelings and the more we hold on to negative feelings, the more they will escalate into bigger, more intense feelings of resentment.

Resentment is a form of negativity. It feeds and connects with our subconscious and has the potential to envelop our every thought, in negative ways. Holding on to resentment prevents us from seeing the world in a healthy and balanced way. Resentment also has the power to fuel anger, which if left can turn into abusive and self-destructive behaviour.

Even though resentment comes from other people’s behaviour, we own it. We close ranks on our feelings without dealing with our emotions relating to the initial problem. Part of the problem is that once we hold on to resentment, we’re slightly reluctant to let go of it, possibly because we’re fearful of repercussions from the person who directed the problem to us originally.

We’re also fearful of jeopardising the quality of the relationship we have with that person, or that’s what we believe. I believe that if you’re already holding on to resentment, the relationship or friendship isn’t worth holding on to. No one should feel slighted.

Relationships should be equal. We shouldn’t feel the need to continually work at what we have, to keep or hold on to any of our relationships. If that happens perhaps it’s time to re-assess.

6 Dec, 2011

8 thoughts on “Resentment

  1. I tend to do this with more than one family member. I know it is unhealthy and I have to let it go. Working on it, but it is difficult.

    1. Thanks for being so honest Randy.

      Although you live with resentment and it’s not your fault, you know it’s not healthy to hold on to it and must let it go if you can.

      I’m pleased you’re working on it. You’re right, it is difficult to know how to let go, but I know in the longer term you will feel so much better when you do.

  2. I have a grudge with one of my family members that I’ve had for a few years now and she doesn’t even realise she has caused a problem by her actions.

    I’m not ready to confront her with it yet. I have forgiven her in my heart and I need to let her know this. I will in due time hopefully.

    Good post.

    1. Thanks Lisa. It’s very nice of you to forgive in your heart this family member before she’s apologised to you… and I agree that it’s important for us to forgive, but the other person has to know and be responsible for his/her actions.

      If you forgive before you have the apology, that person will never learn to be accountable or apologise to others.

    1. We cannot sort others out, only ourselves.

      I agree that finding a place for their nonsense would be one thing we can do, although I believe that resentment is usually there for a reason… so I would tend to have to deal with it, rather than find a place for it.

  3. This one is true but I don’t do it.

    Resentment is a yuck feeling and given my life, it would be the only thing I’d ever feel.

    All I can do is work on making things better for myself and not live in the past.

    1. I’m so pleased you don’t.

      You’re absolutely right in your thinking. Living with resentment from our past will make us feel bad and hurt us. Changing our mind set so that we make things better, will help us move on from our past. That would be the right way to go.

      I hope others draw inspiration from your response. Many thanks for posting it.

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