Seeing past the flaws

It’s fine when we’re level pegging. It’s fine when two people live the same lifestyle and achieve the same level of success.

It’s also fine when we go through the same experiences, for both parties to empathise for coming through the same experiences. We tend to respond differently when the other person becomes successful in his own right and we fail to acknowledge their achievements, because we’ve failed.

It seems to be the way the world works. We genuinely feel we can’t be happy for others when we think we’ve failed, but would be more than happy for that other person if we had also achieved success. Unfortunately, we never seem to think about and evaluate how long it takes a person to achieve success.

We seem to feel threatened by people’s success and in doing so, see them less as an equal. No matter how successful someone turns out to be, they still are, no matter how much we deny they are. In my own case I began to question where the responsibility lay for my lack of success.

Not only did it stop me from becoming jealous, it allowed me to evaluate my own life so that I rid myself of the guilt that didn’t belong to me and of the guilt that was clearly holding me back. Unfortunately, we tend to evaluate other people’s success through our own flaws.

We never seem to be happy for another person, unless we’re successful ourselves.


3 May, 2015

4 thoughts on “Seeing past the flaws

  1. This rings so true to me. I grew up comparing myself to my twin constantly. I am the youngest of a set of twin girls and due to the fact I was not diagnosed until I was 15, never had an explanation as to why things were so hard for and and came easily to her.

    When we were in school, it took me hours to complete homework due to the amount of time it took me to write and for her it was done in moments. It wasn’t until we were grown, the comparing was eased up a bit.

    My life’s goal was to be a mom. Hers was to be a singer. We were able to go our separate ways and break apart a bit. It allowed others to see us as as two separate individuals and for us to find our own niches as well. I think it allowed me to see all I could accomplish while not living in her shadow.

    I may not have made big career strides like her, but it was my choice. She judges her success by the parts she gets in shows ect. I judge my success by the smiles on my children’s faces and happiness of my family.

    It is very easy to feel less of when you compare yourself to all that is around it. When you set goals, you can achieve based on what is important to you, anything is possible. It is all in what you choose to see and hold important.

    1. Delaney welcome to the site. Yes your response rings true with me too; your experiences are very similar to my own experiences. I think the problem with anyone being a twin with or without Cerebral Palsy is a younger twin having to be sidled alongside their older twin.

      Even without Cerebral Palsy, I believe we would always struggle to be the younger twin, unless our parents were happy for us to live independent lives.

  2. I have a very hard time doing this as it seems like some people pretty much have everything handed to them, while others struggle to no good end. I have never really considered what it would be like to actually succeed because I always thought it wouldn’t be possible for me.

    Most people my age are very well established in their lives with families, house, cars and everything else that goes along with it. I find myself trying to figure out how to do this now without a whole lot of resources that so many people take for granted.

    In my reality, it has been easier to just not even try because I had no self confidence in my own skills. My idea of success would probably be different than most people’s, because having all that stuff doesn’t really mean a whole lot to me.

    I would be happy just to have a stable home, food in the fridge and a decent car in the garage! People put so much energy and effort into achieving their goals that by the time they get there, they don’t live long enough to really enjoy it.

    The reality is that you can’t take it with you so you have to focus on what makes you happy rather than what everybody else says you need to be happy!

    1. Thanks Randy. Personally I don’t believe anyone gets to a place where they have everything the way they want.

      There are lots I wish I could change, lots that should have been done differently, but I have to find an acceptance on those things because my life didn’t happen that way. We all have flaws, but we must try to get past those so that we can live a normal life as possible.

      Although I have never been bitter about my childhood and that luckily stopped me from inhibiting jealousy traits towards others who were more successful than me at that time, I have continued with my own journey to create success and that’s important.

      We may not start with the life we would choose for ourselves, but we can change our lives in the present moment by seeing past our flaws and changing our choices.

      I feel we owe it to ourselves and is the most important thing we can do.

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